The Gift
by Kharina
Summary: Narcissa's diary throughout the events of HalfBlood Prince. With her husband in Azkaban and her son in danger, Narcissa falls back to reminiscing on the events leading up to the loss of two other loved ones. Next chapter up: Bella marries Rodolphus.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter. All related characters, situations etc. are the property of JK Rowling.

**Authors Note: **OK, this is a rework of a fic I got up to Chapter three on, then deleted. The prologue and part of the first chapter may seem vaguely familiar to anyone who read the first fic, but after that it will be different. I hope this is much better than the original story.

**I really want a beta for this,** so if anyone can spare the time to give me some concrit before I post and encourage me when, inevitably, I end up with writer's block, don't hesitate to mention it in a review, send me a message or email me.

Also, **please review** and tell me what you think. Even just one sentence makes my day! Also, be honest as I want to make this as good as possible.

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For want of a better beginning: Dear diary,

I received this mysteriously this morning. I was just returning downstairs after informing my son that Severus would be able to help him with the task he has been set. I did not tell him about the Unbreakable Vow, of course: his reaction was bad enough when I just told him that I had asked Severus if he'd be able to help.

I am so worried about him. It's terrifying. He takes my sister's line, saying that this task is a great honour and I should be proud he's been granted this opportunity. But I see it for what it is: a suicide mission. The Dark Lord doesn't intend him to succeed, I'm sure of it. I think perhaps this is beginning to seep into Bella's mind as well: certainly she seems less enthusiastic about it than a week ago, when we were first told about it. I'm grateful for her offer to teach him this summer: he will accept _her_ help, and although I don't want my son learning to be a Death Eater, I know it will give him the best chance possible for the times to come.

Anyway, I appear to be rambling, but I suppose that is what diaries are for. Well, that is a rather uneducated guess for me, as I never owned one before. Which brings me to what I was writing about. I came downstairs, and the new house-elf, which we bought after Lucius very kindly and generously freed the old one as it was clearly not happy working in our service, brought me a parcel.

"This arrived this morning, ma'am," Hatty said, bowing so her nose almost touched the carpet.

I took it off her. "Thank you, Hatty, you may go now," I replied. Well, we didn't want any more house elves going off complaining to Harry Potter, of all people.

I opened the package and found a handsome blue book with silver binding and silver writing on the cover, saying simply "Diary". I opened it, and a piece of paper fluttered out. Picking it up, I read the following note:

_Dear Narcissa,_

_I am sorry to hear about your husband's imprisonment and the issue with your son. I can offer little to help you, but if I cannot offer to be your confidante directly, I can at least send you this. I myself found a diary of great comfort in many difficult periods of my own life, and I hope you have the same experience._

_I hope you are as well as can be expected under the circumstances._

There was no name at the bottom of the note, although I felt a vague recognition of the phrasing that I couldn't quite place. I cannot imagine who would bother sending me a gift and note like this, however.

Anyway, I must go. I need to take Draco to Bella's hiding place for the first lesson she will give him. As much as he insists he's perfectly capable of going alone, security precautions require me to accompany him. Meaning I want to be there, and won't take no for an answer.

Yours,

Narcissa Malfoy.

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Yes, that was short, but it's only intended to be the prologue: future chapters will be longer.

**Please remember to review!**


	2. Chapter 1: Aunty Bella

**A/N: **Firstly, thanks to all my reviewers. I hope I've remembered to get back to everyone individually (if you reviewed anonymously the replies are on my profile).

Secondly, I hope you like this chapter. As you'll probably figure out, stuff in italics is a past memory.

Enjoy the chapter!

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Dear Diary,

Well, it seems I am writing in here again sooner than I anticipated. I took this diary in my bag to Bella's, I am not sure why as I was not expecting to use it.

We arrived, after going through all the security precautions to get in. Bella was waiting to greet us.

"You look terrible, Narcissa," were the first words out of her mouth.

Isn't it just wonderful to have such a kind and complimentary sister?

"You're not still fussing about this, are you?" She continued. It was clearly supposed to be a rhetorical question, as she never gave me time to answer. "I can't understand it. Draco will be fine, and when Lucius returns he'll be pleased to find the Malfoy family back in the favour of the Dark Lord."

"Bella, can we please discuss this _later_, if we must at all?" I said wearily.

She turned from me to Draco by way of an answer. "You look better than she does, at any rate," she said after a quick glance up and down. "How are you?"

"Fine, thank you Aunt," he replied formally.

"Excellent." She turned back to me. "Cissy, you can wait in there if you want."

"I can't watch?"

"Don't be silly, he's sixteen, he doesn't need his mother fussing over him all the time. You trust me, don't you?"

"Yes, but…"

"Well, that's settled then. Don't look at me like that, Cissy, go and find a book to read or something."

I did not see any point in arguing, so I kissed Draco, drawing a: "Mother, I'm sixteen and I'm going to be in the next _room!_ Get off!", and then went away to wait.

Poor Bella. I was shocked when I first saw her after Azkaban, much as I was prepared for something shocking. My beautiful older sister, reduced to a shell, a skeleton. The transformation on the inside, of course, had been going on since before Azkaban. I know the big sister I loved is in there somewhere: it shows in her actions if not her words, but I worry that one day I will lose Bella completely. I'd seen the same sort of thing with Lucius, and I am terrified it will happen to Draco. I pray it won't, but I know that is futile. It's almost inevitable if he becomes a Death Eater.

No. I refuse to waste more paper going on about this subject yet again. Perhaps I should recall happier times, when Bella was still the older sister I admired, and there were still three of us.

One of my earliest complete memories is my fifth Christmas. I can remember quite clearly my eagerness to help decorate the huge pine trees that were brought into the house to celebrate the festive season. Yes, perhaps I will write about that as I remember it.

I watched as Freacher, our house-elf, aided by my mother, finished putting out the four enormous Christmas trees in the four main rooms of the house. One stood in the large sitting room, beside a tapestry of our family tree. The second, in the dusty library, which was crammed from floor to ceiling with old books, most of them about dark magic or magical history. The third rested in our dining room, and the fourth and largest had pride of place in the hall to welcome the family members and guests who would arrive on Christmas Eve.

_I watched as Freacher and mother set down the final tree and Freacher began to get out boxes of decorations. Unable to contain my excitement, I pelted upstairs._

"_Bella! Meda! They've got the trees!" I gasped, out of breath after my run up the stairs._

_Seven-year-old Andromeda threw open her door immediately. "Can we help?" She asked excitedly. _

"_I don't know, I haven't asked Freacher yet. But she can't say no, can she?"_

_A door further down the hall opened and a girl of nine stepped out. Her hair was long and dark and was plaited down her back. She walked towards us, smiling in a superior way._

"_What was that, little Cissy?"_

_She surely could not have missed hearing me! I spoke again._

"_The trees, Bella! They've brought the trees! We're going to go and help Freacher decorate them. Are you coming?"_

_Bellatrix smiled at me superiorly. "Well, I'm not too sure I will. I think I'm a little old for that now."_

_At that time, I took her at her word and my face fell. Andromeda, slightly older, knew she was only teasing._

"_Don't tease Cissy, she's believing everything you say."_

"_I am not!" I replied, having enough sense to understand from Andromeda's comment that this was a bad thing. "So you are coming?" I asked of Bella._

_She laughed. "Of course I am, silly. I wouldn't miss it!"_

"_Race you to the library!" I yelled._

_We all galloped into the library, and of course despite my head start I was last. Well, I was the smallest._

"_We want to help." I announced._

_Freacher looked nervous. "Well, misses, maybe it would be better if you just watched me. I don't need any help at the moment, you see."_

"_We want to help!" We cried._

_Freacher sighed. "Oh, I suppose so, then. Get some decorations and start, but don't put them all on one side of the tree like you did last year. They need to be spread EVENLY. And try not to break anything." She cast a glance at Andromeda as she said it._

_Andromeda promptly grabbed a box of decorations and sent a number of other boxes tumbling to the ground. I heard the tinkle of breaking glass._

"_Ooops."_

_Freacher sighed, hopped down from the ladder, walked over to the box and repaired the decorations by magic._

"_Rule number one, do not pull out a box of decorations that is piled underneath another box of decorations."_

"_It wasn't," Andromeda protested. "It just fell down."_

"_It fell down by itself, did it?" My mother's voice came from the doorway. We all looked around._

"_Well I really don't know how it happened! It…"_

"_Andromeda, be quiet. Don't speak until you are told to. I hope-"_

"_You asked 'Meda a question, though!" I said, confused._

"_Narcissa! Perhaps one day you will learn the meaning of a rhetorical question. For now do not speak about things that you do not understand. Now, Andromeda, I hope you will show a little more grace in front of our guests. Why, you could be any Muggle child."_

_My sister hung her head. She hated being told off, although it happened so often you'd have thought she'd become desensitised to it. "'M sorry," she mumbled._

"_Hold your tongue! You are a Black, Andromeda, and if you do not start behaving like one you will undermine the family reputation. It won't be that long before you are going to Hogwarts, and you will need to have grown up a lot by then." My mother turned and walked away._

_Andromeda scowled and began pulling decorations from the box with unwarranted venom._

"_I hate her!" She grumbled. "I only knocked one box over! "_

"_Don't speak about my mistress like that," Freacher said sharply. "She is right. You're going to stop being a child much sooner than you think."_

"_Oh, not you, too!" Andromeda grumbled. She promptly dropped a glass decoration, which shattered on the cold stone floor._

"_Maybe you should all go upstairs now," Freacher said exasperatedly, as she repaired the decoration using her house-elf magic._

"_Sorry I ruined it for you both," Andromeda mumbled when we were all back upstairs._

"_Don't worry, Andy. You'll grow out of this clumsiness, I'm sure. It's because you're growing so fast!" Bella said, drawing a small smile from her sister._

"_You didn't ruin it. I was bored of it anyway," I lied._

"_Nice try, Cissy," Bella said, smiling. "You're not the world's best liar…"_

"…_but it's sweet," Andy finished with a laugh._

_I walked back into my room, the events of the past half-hour running around my head. I often wished I was like Bellatrix, that I was so strong, so certain, so brave. She had always been there for me, and I didn't know how I would cope when she went off to Hogwarts. Andromeda and I both looked up to her, although I slightly more, I think. Certainly she was always fiercely protective of both of us, although she had a hot temper and she'd fought angrily with both of us on many occasions. I looked up to Andy, too: she wasn't as forceful a personality as Bellatrix, but still strong in her own way. I was always weaker than both of them, I felt. Shy with strangers, and our parents. I always felt a need for them to protect me, and later for Lucius to fulfil the same role. Now he's in Azkaban I have to be the protective one, for Draco, and this frightens me._

Well, as they say, speak of the devil. Bellatrix put her head around the door as I was writing the above paragraph.

"We're finished, Cissy. What are you writing about?" She asked.

"It's nothing," I said, hastily closing the book.

"I didn't think you were the sort for diaries," she said after inspecting the cover.

"I'm not: I was sent this, this morning."

"Who sent you it?"

"I don't know."

She narrowed her eyes. "You were silly to open it: it could have been dangerous."

"I didn't know it was from an anonymous sender until I opened it, did I? And who'd send me something dangerous?"

"You can't be too careful. Some idiot may not be able to make the distinction between Lucius and you; and people don't like confirmed Death Eaters."

"I'll be more careful next time," I said to put her at ease rather than because I had any intention of the sort.

We left the room and met up with Draco in the hallway. He looked tired and thoughtful, but unharmed, as I knew he would be.

"I'll expect you back tomorrow," Bella told him. She squeezed my shoulder. "Stop looking so worried, Cissy. I'll see you tomorrow, if you're able to come."

"I'll be here, Bella," I replied. "You know I will."

She nodded. "Well, get along then."

We Flooed back to a secret room in the manor, the only fireplace we can connect to Bella's. Again, there's heavy security at both ends.

"How was it, Draco?" I asked as we walked back into the main manor.

"Fine."

I sighed. "Please, tell me."

"I'm crap at Occulumency," he muttered grumpily, after a pause.

That was what she'd been teaching him?! Bella must not be as confident of his task being set as an honour as I had thought! But then I realised Dumbledore was a skilled Legilimens as well: she could easily have been teaching him to keep Dumbledore from discovering his task, rather than to arm him against the Dark Lord.

"You'll get better. That was only the first lesson."

"I want to learn some proper curses to use. I'll need those: we do enough silly self-defence stuff at school."

"But not Occulumency." My son's eagerness to learn the darker curses disturbed me greatly, but I wasn't about to let him know that.

"No," he admitted. He sighed in frustration. "It's embarrassing, though. Having someone perform Legilimency on you."

"Well, it's the best way for you to learn. Why, what did she say? What did she see?"

"Nothing!" He said a little too quickly. "It's just the principle, that's all."

"Should I call the house-elf to make dinner?" I asked, deciding it would be useless to pursue the subject.

"Alright," he replied listlessly.

Anyway, the dinner is ready now, I had better go and call Draco. He went straight to his room after that last exchange, and I have been whiling away the time by writing for over an hour.

Until my return,

Narcissa Malfoy.

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**PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW! **In particular this chapter, I'm hoping for your opinions on characterisation of both Bellatrix and Draco. I did intend for them to seem a little different from the books, on the grounds that this is through Narcissa's eyes and not Harry's. However, please let me know if either of them are OOC beyond good taste. Thanks!


	3. Chapter 2: Draco's Detour

**Additional disclaimer: **The title of this chapter is taken from the title of the corresponding chapter in Half Blood Prince. The conversation between the trio, Draco and Narcissa is also from the book word-for-word (except, obviously, for Narcissa's thoughts while it is going on).

**A/N:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm hoping to post quite a few chapters very close together this week. However, this weekend I'll be too busy reading to be writing, and then I'm going on holiday for two weeks. But you'll all have Deathly Hallows to read by then, which is bound to be far better than this.

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**Chapter Two: Draco's Detour**

Dear Diary (really, a Malfoy and a Black should think of a better beginning than this!),

A week has passed since my last entry, during which Draco has made five more visits to Bella's. I hear, from her rather than him, that he is improving at Occlumency. She was sensitive enough not to tell me of her plans with him after he'd mastered Occlumency, but he was less so. Apparently, he will be learning 'something good, finally' next lesson, which I presume means the darker curses. I suppose he will need them, but it hurts me to see this happening to my baby. I'd always thought I could keep him safe.

Well, perhaps I will be able to get him to talk to me today. His Hogwarts letter arrived yesterday, and we are going to Diagon Alley to get his things. He insists he isn't a baby and can go on his own, but I am equally adamant to go with him. It's too dangerous for him to be alone in the current atmosphere, whichever side you are on, and I want the opportunity to talk to him without him being able to escape to his room. I'd better go for now, breakfast is ready. I will write more later.

Despite Draco's constant protestations at breakfast, I accompanied him to Diagon Alley. We flooed to Flourish and Blotts.

I got out the list. "What are you wanting to take next year, Draco? There are books listed for all the subjects. Even Muggle Studies, what a waste of a NEWT," I sneered.

"Defence Against the Dark Arts, Potions, Transfiguration and Charms," he listed.

We purchased the relevant books, and stepped outside into the bright sun of Diagon Alley. It had certainly changed: 'wanted' pictures of my sister (not the most flattering of shots as they'd been taken in Azkaban), hung everywhere: they really were desperate to catch her. I hoped they wouldn't: I feared another stint in Azkaban, even one without the Dementors, would remove the remainder of Bella Black altogether. Posters giving tips on safety advice were all over, as if they could really provide any defence against Death Eaters. And no one was shopping alone, or stopping to chat leisurely. Shopping had become a dangerous necessity rather than a pleasure.

"Where next, Draco?"

"I don't care," he mumbled sullenly.

"You'll need some new robes: Madam Malkin's?" I asked him.

When he offered no resistance, I led him towards Madam Malkin's shop. On the way, we passed a new shop: "Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes". A joke shop, of course in the worst possible taste. Typical.

We entered Madam Malkin's. It was quiet: no one else was there.

"Right- you need new school robes and a couple of new sets of dress robes…"

"I don't need two new sets of dress robes."

"Of course you do, there'll be several balls in the holidays this year, plus perhaps one at school, and you can't keep wearing the same things."

"I won't be going to any balls in the holidays. I'm going to stay at Hogwarts."

"Draco, you have to go to these things, what will people say?"

"I don't care what they say, Mother. I wish I could have come on my own."

That hurt me far more than I was prepared to show in front of Madam Malkin.

"Well, we'll get you the robes anyway and sort this out at home."

We sorted out Draco's school robes without further problems. However, an issue that I had not foreseen occurred while Draco was trying on his dress robes.

Madam Malkin had just measured him for some new, handsome dark green robes, and he was admiring them in the mirror when I heard the door click open. I thought nothing of it until I heard my son's voice:

"If you're wondering what the smell is, Mother, a Mudblood just walked in."

'That must be that Granger, then,' I thought. 'Along with Potter and the youngest Weasley boy: Draco wouldn't bother noticing another Mudblood.'

"I don't think there's any need for language like that!" I heard Madam Malkin exclaim. "And I don't want wands drawn in my shop either!"

The final remark prompted me to begin to walk towards the site of the scene, hoping that the wand in question was that of my son and not the party that had just entered: I presumed the Mudblood Granger would be accompanied by the youngest Weasley boy and Potter, as Draco informed me she usually was at school.

I heard my son's voice. "Yeah, like you'd dare do magic out of school. Who blacked your eye, Granger? I want to send them flowers."

I halted momentarily. I had been spoken to rather harshly by Draco before for embarrassing him by interfering in arguments between him and his peers, and I had no wish to "completely ruin my reputation, Mother!" as he put it. He was closed up enough with me already, and as I hoped to get him to talk I wanted him in a good mood.

However, Madam Malkin's next words forced me to interfere: "That's quite enough! Madam- please-"

I walked out, casually in order to avoid looking like an overprotective mother, from behind the stack of robes that had concealed me.

"Put those away," I told them with my best sneer. As a Slytherin, a Black and a Malfoy, my best sneer is pretty good. "If you attack my son again, I shall ensure that it is the last thing you ever do."

"Really?"

The Potter boy dared to step up to me and look me insolently in the eye. Pointing his wand at _me, _too! But of course, I couldn't do anything to prevent it in the middle of a shop.

"Going to get a few Death Eater pals to do us in, are you?"

That last suggestion was tempting: but as the Death Eaters had been ordered to leave Potter for the Dark Lord, I doubted my influence would make much difference.

I heard Madam Malkin squeak out something fearfully at the boy's speech, but almost all my attention was focused on Potter.

"I see that being Dumbledore's favourite has given you a false sense of security, Harry Potter. But Dumbledore won't always be there to protect you." At least, I hoped he wouldn't. If my prophecy turned out false, it would result in the deaths of both myself and at least three people I care about.

The insolent cub gave a mocking glance around the room. "Wow, look at that, he's not here now! So why not have a go? They might be able to find you a double cell in Azkaban with your loser of a husband!"

That comment stung deeply, although I tried my hardest not to let it show. After all, Malfoys cannot show emotions like that in public. Something my son does not yet seem to have realised.

"Don't you dare talk to my mother like that, Potter!" My son snapped, beginning to stride towards Potter.

Touched as I was by his anger on my behalf, I grabbed his shoulder to stop him. There was enough suspicion on us with Lucius in jail, without Draco attacking one of the most favoured people in the wizarding world in public.

"It's all right, Draco," I said to him. "I expect Potter will be reunited with dear Sirius before I am reunited with Lucius." Cruel, perhaps, but I wanted to hurt Potter as deeply as he had hurt me, and sure enough he raised his wand.

However, the comment caused me some pain on my own behalf. Filthy blood-traitor as he was, I couldn't help retaining some affection for the cousin who had entertained us all in childhood with his cheeky, fun attitude, his wacky games. His death had upset me, despite my best efforts for it not to. I know Bella didn't mean to kill him: she had a closer bond with him in childhood than any of us, but whatever affection she may have left for him was buried very deep down. She'd shown no outward signs of disturbance at his death, but she'd also said to me she hadn't meant to kill him. Whether that was said to console herself, me or both of us, I don't know. I am, however, certain that it is true.

I heard the Mudblood speak. "Harry no! You mustn't, you'll be in such trouble…"

Potter hesitated, and Madam Malkin, completely at a loss for what to do, returned to the fitting of my son's robes.

"I think this left sleeve could come up a little more, dear, let me just-" she bent towards my son, reaching to pull up the left sleeve of his robes.

"Ouch!" He shouted.

I spun away from Potter, worried, but immediately was reassured he was unharmed.

"Watch where you're putting those pins, woman! Mother- I don't think I want these any more..."

I was as keen as he to get out of this situation, so made no protest as he pulled the robes off.

"You're right, Draco," I said, throwing a nasty glance at the Mudblood. "Now I know the kind of scum that shops here… we'll do better at Twilfitt and Tatting's."

We swept out of the shop, Draco rather childishly shoving into the Weasley boy on the way out. We passed that ridiculous man, Hagrid, whose brutal beast almost fatally injured my son when he was only thirteen, leaning against the wall. As though _he'd_ be any match for Death Eaters, should they be foolish enough to attack the Potter boy in the middle of Diagon Alley. Bella could have him down in a second; he wouldn't stand a chance. Mind you, I'd have said a gaggle of teenagers wouldn't have stood a chance against a group of highly trained Death Eaters, yet they managed to slip through the net at the Ministry. Although I supposed they wouldn't have done so without the help of the Order. Or the possession of the prophecy, come to that.

"Are you alright, Draco?" I asked as we walked away from the shop.

"Fine," he muttered. However, he seemed for a moment to think better of his cold attitude, and turned his head to look at me. "Are you?"

"Don't worry about me, why wouldn't I be?" I asked, in a voice that was supposed to be light and cheery, but just ended up high-pitched.

Draco hesitated, clearly wondering what to say. "Mother… father will be out in no time." He glanced around to check no one was in earshot. "As soon as I complete my task, I'm sure the Dark Lord will arrange for his escape."

"Oh, Draco," I said, trying to maintain my usual countenance. "I would far rather your father stay in Azkaban than for us to lose you. Please, be careful."

"I'm fine," he said, fading back into his usual closed-up attitude.

"I can't…" I began, and then decided this conversation would be better left until later, in private, so we continued in silence until we reached the door of Twilfitt and Tatting's shop.

A bell tinkled as I opened the door, and Mr Tatting, a short, portly man in smart brown robes, came bustling out from a room in the back.

"Mrs Malfoy!" He exclaimed. "And young Master Malfoy, too, what a pleasant surprise! What can I do for you, ma'am?"

While I somewhat enjoyed the attention that people like Mr Tatting will always give to members of families such as the Malfoys, I much preferred Madam Malkin. Tatting had the very irritating habit of being ridiculously over-humble, trying to get as much business as possible by bowing and flattery, while Madam Malkin was polite but businesslike, and would get your robes fitted in half the time.

"Draco needs…" I began.

"Mother, I can speak, you know. I _am _sixteen. I want a set of school robes and some dress robes," Draco ordered.

"Excellent, sir, excellent!" Tatting beamed and bowed, as though my son's request was one of the most wonderful things he'd heard. "Which would you like fitting first, sir?"

"School robes," Draco replied shortly. I think every previous time I'd taken Draco shopping for robes, we'd gone to Madam Malkins, and it was clear he found Tatting as irritating as I did.

It was lunchtime by the time we stepped out of the shop, with an unspoken sigh of relief.

"Do you find him as annoying as I do?" Draco muttered grumpily as we walked away.

"Indeed," I agreed. The street was quiet, and we were quite out of earshot, so lowering my voice I decided to add: "So did your Aunt Bella. We used to shop there when we were younger. In fact, so did…" I bit back what I had been about to say. I could not believe I had been so stupid! Draco, of course, had never been told he had more than one Aunt. I myself had not spoken her name in decades.

"What, Mother?" Draco asked curiously.

"Nothing, it's nothing." He looked like he was about to press the point, so I quickly diverted the subject. "Bella once told him to shut up and get her robes or she'd turn him into a clothes rack. Well, it was his father, actually, but it's all the same thing. My Mother made her stay in her room for a week to teach her to stop being rude and unladylike."

"It doesn't seem to have worked," Draco commented, and then looked horrified. Clearly he hadn't really intended to say that out loud.

I laughed. "No, it doesn't, does it?" I was keen to preserve my son's more conversational turn, hoping I would be able to get something out of him about his task. I knew Bella would never be insulted about his suggestion that she was neither polite nor ladylike, for she hated both traits with a passion.

Unfortunately, luck was not on my side as he fell silent again. We next went to the apothecary's to get Potion ingredients. I remember speaking to Draco as we were leaving the shop, but after a minute or so of walking I turned to ask him something, and realised he had disappeared.

Panicking, I spun wildly about, looking for him. At a few surprised stares, I attempted to compose myself and began to retrace my steps back towards the apothecary's. I didn't expect to find him, but I had no idea what else to do.

When I failed to find him, I stopped to think. My initial reaction had been that someone had taken him, but upon thought I realised that was silly: he was a sixteen year old, who was working with the Death Eaters: and who else would take him? I thought it was more likely he'd gone off to do something he didn't want me to know about, so I decided to comb Diagon Alley until I found him.

Luckily, just as I approached the junction leading to Knockturn Alley, I spotted him walking down the street ahead of me. Breaking into a half-run, I caught him up.

"Where have you been?!" I exclaimed. "You frightened me."

"Sorry, Mother," he said, not really sounding apologetic. "I had to do something."

"What?" I asked.

"I can't tell you, Mother," he replied, in a voice that clearly told me that was the end of the matter.

I do wish he would tell me what he's trying to do! The danger he's in terrifies me, and I'm desperate to help him, or at least know what is involved. Anything would be better than the complete lack of knowledge I have.

We returned home, and the house-elf cooked my favourite dish of chicken in a cream and white wine sauce.

"What time are you going to Bella's tomorrow?" I asked him. I knew, of course, but I wanted to break the oppressive silence hanging over the table.

"Eleven. She says we'll want plenty of time."

"What's she teaching you next?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, Mother," he lied. I can almost always tell when he's lying; he's incredibly bad at it. "Probably Occulumency again."

Perhaps he has told Bella, or will do soon. Maybe then I can trick her into telling me: unlikely, but it may work. I certainly want to know more about these lessons she's having with him, however reluctant either of them are to enlighten me. Perhaps, once Draco is back at school, I will visit her alone. It at least calms me to have a plan, however unlikely it is to work.

Anyway, it is growing late now. I will have to make another entry tomorrow; I can feel myself falling asleep over the page.

Until my next entry,

Narcissa Malfoy.

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	4. Chapter 3: Alone Again

**Author's Note: **Yes, this is a quick update. I'm trying to get quite a few chapters up before the release of Deathly Hallows, as after that I won't be writing for a couple of weeks, as I said last chapter.

This has also been put up without being beta-read. Once it has been, if there are any changes I'll replace this chapter with the altered version, but I just want to get it up quickly for now.

Stuff in italics is a flashback.

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Draco left for school today. The house feels empty without him, despite the fact that he spent most of his time shut in his bedroom anyway. At least I knew he was there. Now I'm completely alone: I've never been so before, except the brief few weeks between Lucius' capture and Draco returning for the summer, when the shock was still too great for me to really notice the stillness of the huge manor with just me in it. The only comparable time in my life, I suppose, was when both of my sisters had left for Hogwarts, and I was left to amuse myself. Of course, the house wasn't empty: my parents were still there, but as they kept pretty much to themselves they gave little in the way of entertainment or company. I lived for the holidays, and the times when my cousins would visit: I grew very close to them in those two years. 

I suppose I should go to see Bella today, as I resolved to do in my last entry, but having thought over it I am more reluctant to do so. It seems foolish to think she will tell me anything: Draco will have asked her to keep it a secret, and she also will probably think it's better I don't know. I find it difficult to confide in her now, too: there was a time when I would have told her anything, but now she almost frightens me. I am no longer able to predict what she will think or how she might react.

I'll go tomorrow instead. If Bella saw that sentence, or at least if she'd seen it when she was younger, she'd think it was silly. She couldn't stand people putting things off until they never got done: she would say I should decide whether or not to now, and if I decided to do it I should go as soon as possible. From anyone else, the constant verbal anxiety and indecision I expressed on the morning when she and Andromeda would leave me alone for the first time would have been intolerable…

_"I don't want you to go," I said, sitting on Bella's bed as I watched her trying to cram everything into her trunk. "What will I do without both of you?"_

_Bella sighed, pausing in her attempts to ram her cauldron into a corner of the trunk it couldn't possibly fit into. "For the fiftieth time, Cissy, you'll be fine. We'll be back in no time for Christmas, and then you'll probably moan because we'll be disturbing you. You'll see Sirius and Reg still, you'll be able to play with them."_

_"I don't play, I'm not a baby!" I exclaimed, insulted._

_Bella laughed, but stopped when she saw the affronted look on my face. "Sorry, Cissy," she said. She looked about to say more, but then a house-elf barged into the room._

_"Misses," she squeaked, "Master and Mistress say you must come now or you will miss the train."_

_Bella sighed and threw the rest of her things into her trunk, jamming the lid shut. "Where's Andy?" She asked as she heaved it off the bed._

_"Miss Andromeda is already downstairs," the house-elf volunteered._

_"She was quick," I observed._

_"No, she wasn't. She packed everything about five times last night because she's so excited. She won't be ready so early next term, I'm sure."_

_We hurried down the stairs, landing not-too-gracefully at the bottom. Our mother tutted at us._

_"For Merlin's sake, Bellatrix, why can you not pack the night before like Andromeda has done?"_

_"Because I've already been to Hogwarts, and I don't feel the need to act like a hyperactive five year old?" Bella muttered._

_"What was that?" Father snapped._

_"Nothing." As he opened his mouth to speak, Bella reluctantly added "sir"._

_We Flooed to London, and then were met by Ministry cars that took us to the station. Father's generous donations to the Ministry usually managed to secure us an escort like this each year, and it was much better than the tacky Knight Bus or, Merlin forbid, Muggle transport._

_However, Muggles could not be avoided entirely, so we were rushed through the Station until we reached the barrier. Andy's eyes were glowing with excitement as she surveyed the new sights around her: as I suppose were mine. We had not been permitted to accompany Bella to the station on her first day, or indeed as she entered her second year. However, as I was to be left at home completely by myself, my parents had consented to allow me to come and see Andy and Bella off._

_We walked through the barrier onto the platform. It was amazing: I'd never seen so many people, so busy before. And the train itself: magnificent!_

_"Stop staring like common Mudbloods and hurry up, you two," Bella snapped impatiently._

_I watched as my sisters heaved their trunks onto the train, my awe at the scene beginning to disappear as I remembered that I was to be left alone._

_"Don't look so sad, Cissy," Andy said encouragingly, hugging me and kissing my forehead. "It'll be over in no time. And we'll write all the time, won't we Bella?"_

_"Of course we will. Don't be silly, it's not that bad. I had to go to a new place all on my own, think of that!" Bella said by way of comfort. She also hugged me._

_"Here, this is a little parting gift from both of us. Well, and father too," Bella said as we drew apart. She pressed a warm, feathery bundle into my hands._

_"It's an owl!" I exclaimed._

_"No, never," Bella said._

_"It isn't?" I asked. I was so sure it looked like an owl._

_She rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Of course it is. That's for writing to us with."_

_"Oh, thank you!" I said, throwing my arms around her._

_"Yes, alright, no need to strangle me. It's from Andy too."_

_Her comment had the desired effect, and I let go of her to grab my other sister._

_At that point, the whistle blew. Andy hastily gave me a squeeze and then let go of me, while Bella ruffled my hair._

_"We'll write," Andy promised._

_"We'll soon be back," Bella added. "See you later. Come on Andy, or the train'll go without us."_

_They hurried onto the train and waved to me from the window as they began to pull out of the station. I made to run alongside the train, waving, but a strong hand gripped my shoulder._

_"Don't you dare even think of making an exhibition of yourself, Narcissa," my Mother said sternly. "You were lucky to be able to even come along to the station at all. I would never have allowed it if your father hadn't intervened."_

_"Yes, Mother," I replied meekly._

_"Come on, we're leaving. This station, packed full of Muggles and Mudbloods and half-breeds, I knew it would have a bad effect on you."_

_A few days later, I received my first letter from Andromeda, which relieved my boredom and despondency for a while:_

_Dear Cissy,_

_Hogwarts is amazing! I'm sorry, I don't want to make you feel you're missing anything by being at home, as I can't do anything to get you here any faster. There are bad bits too, like Professor McGonagall who sets you tons of homework, and some of the other first-years (there's a Mudblood boy who I have to sit next to in Potions and he's really annoying) but apart from that it's wonderful. It's really fun to learn to do magic properly: of course we already know quite a bit, but I've still learned loads since I've been here. It's really not hard to make friends: I was worried about that at first, but Bella introduced me to all hers, and of course we already know some people. I met a girl called Isabel on the train, she's really nice and her family come from Ireland, which is why Bella and I didn't know her before. And there's Patricia Parkinson, she's also in my dormitory: of course you've already met her. And there's also Eleanor Nott in my year: so quite a few people I know._

_I really miss you already though. I hope you're OK: it won't be long before we come back, but I'm sure by the time we do you'll be happy enough without us. Don't be too upset, Cissy. I hope you're as well as you can be all on your own- don't worry, I'm sure if you ask father he'll let you visit Sirius and Reg. Sirius is a scamp, and I know you don't really like him, but he can be really nice when he's not being cheeky. I'm sure he'd be pleased to see you, as Reg's only little so he doesn't really have anyone to talk to._

_Anyway, I'd better go now: tons of homework to do. Write back soon, and don't feel too sad, we'll be back before you know it._

_All my love,_

_Andy._

_A couple of days after receiving Andy's letter, I got another from Bella. I couldn't expect the correspondence to last: Bellatrix was notoriously slack at remembering things like that. Therefore I determined to make the most of it while I could._

_Dear Cissy,_

_Hogwarts is OK, same as last year really just not as new. Andy seems to be settling in well: and of course she was sorted into Slytherin. It took a little longer than it did with me, but then that's Andy for you: probably being shy again and trying to resist the Hat. I'm joining a duelling club this year: should be fun. I'll write and tell you what it's like. Everyone is fine: when I mentioned you being left on your own, Rodolphus said you should go and see his little brother: he's the same age as you and was on his own last year too so he knows how it feels. His name's Rabastan: the Lestranges are a respectable family so I'm sure our parents will let you go, especially with the influence you have over Father. Even if not, you can write to him. A few people are a little irritated I forgot to write to them over the summer, but I can't be expected to remember everything, can I?_

_Say hello to Sirius and Reg when you see them._

_See you at Christmas (it really isn't that far away!)_

_Bella._

Of course, that year, and the next one, didn't go as badly as I had anticipated. I saw plenty of Sirius and Regulus, and I was able to visit Rabastan Lestrange and other children of families connected to my parents. However, I still lived for the holidays, when I could see Bella and Andy again, and I was incredibly excited, two years later, to be going to Hogwarts myself after all my sisters had told me.

However, perhaps that is a topic for my next entry: it is lunchtime now and I am tired of writing.

Until next time,

Narcissa Malfoy.

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	5. Chapter 4: A Lack of Information

**A/N: **Yes, another quick update, and again it hasn't been betaed- when it is I will replace the chapter if I find I have to make any changes.

Hope you enjoy!

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Dear Diary,

I did go to see Bella today, as I promised to in my last entry. However, I am not entirely sure it was worth the bother and the anxiety of going to see her.

I felt a little ill as I travelled there: a feeling I'd only recently begun to experience in connection with my eldest sister. However, I was determined not to turn back. I had to find out what Draco was planning, if at all possible, and Bella was the most likely person he would have told.

My sister looked suspicious the instant she saw me.

"Cissy," she begun, almost all the warmth that had once been connected with that name missing from her voice. "I thought Draco was back at Hogwarts."

"He is," I replied. "I… I wanted to see you."

She gave a hint of a puzzled frown. "Of course. Would you like a cup of hot water, unless by a miracle you've managed to bring me some tea?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise you didn't-" I began, but she cut me off.

"Doesn't matter, Cissy. You can't keep bringing things back and forth. It's far better than Azkaban at any rate."

She heated two mugs with her wand, and then sat down facing me.

"So, what's the problem?"

"I can't come to see my sister for a chat?" I replied.

"Don't be silly, we both know you wouldn't be here for no reason." She paused, but as she looked about to say something else, and as I couldn't think of a response, I kept silent. "You're not comfortable, are you, coming here," she said quietly. Although she tried hard to preserve her usual, careless tone, her sorrow was obvious to someone who knew her as well as I did. She gave a bitter laugh. "My own baby sister is scared of me."

"That's not true!" I protested.

She shrugged, returning to her normal state as quickly as she'd lost it. "Whatever you say. So, why are you here?"

"It's about Draco."

"How could I have guessed?" She muttered sarcastically. "What about him?"

"He won't tell me what he's planning. And I know he's planning something," I added as she opened her mouth to protest.

"Even if he is, he can't tell just anyone, you know."

"Just anyone? Just anyone? I'm his mother, for Merlin's sake. I have a right to know…"

"Calm down, Cissy!" Bella exclaimed, looking a little discomforted. "The less people who know, the better."

"Do you know?" I demanded.

"I'm not going to answer that."

"I'll take that as a yes."

"If you wish," she returned, a little snappishly. "Anything else?"

"Bella, please," I begged. "I care about what happens to Draco more than for anyone, except you and Lucius."

"Cissy, what can you do to help him even if you do find out what he's planning? You've taken enough risks already, you mustn't ruin this opportunity for him."

"He could die!"

"That's very unlikely," Bellatrix said, in a tone that was clearly meant to be comforting, and I was painfully reminded of the time when Bella could comfort me, no matter how distressed I was, as easily as she could cast a simple _lumos_ spell.

"Unlikely? The Dark Lord wants him to be killed, and you know it! I ha-" I began, and then abruptly cut off what I'd been about to say.

"What did you say?" Bellatrix asked dangerously.

"Nothing," I replied in a nervous whisper.

She turned away from me and paced to the other side of the room, staring at the wall. I waited silently, scarcely daring to breathe. Once I'd been so certain Bella would never hurt me, no matter how horrible she could sometimes be to others. Now, I wasn't so sure anymore.

She finally turned to face me. "Please, Cissy, be careful what you say. Be careful what you think." Her voice was unsteady, and for an instant I thought she might cry. I hadn't seen her cry since she was twelve, and in some ways it was even more disturbing than her anger. Then her voice began to regain its confidence. "You understand me, don't you?"

I nodded. I understood perfectly what she was saying, and why she was saying it: the words 'remember Reg', while unspoken, were as clear to me as if they had been said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here."

"No, stay." She sighed. "I can't tell you anything, Cissy, but I will help you how I can."

"You've been teaching him Occulumency," I said suddenly.

"He told you that? Yes, I have. Dumbledore is a very accomplished Legilimens, curse him," she said, but she looked in my eyes as she said it and I understood what she really meant.

"Thank you."

"It's not all for you, you know. He's my nephew as well as your son."

I nodded. "Of course." After a pause, I decided to press the issue of Draco's task a little more. "Bella, at least tell me if you know what he's planning."

She sighed. "I know a little about it, but very little. Not everything," she replied reluctantly.

"And you won't tell me anything?"

"Wrong. I can't tell you anything. The Dark Lord and Draco have both forbidden me to do so."

"Can't you even hint…" I asked without much conviction, a last ditch attempt to try and get something out of her.

"No!" She replied, cutting me off with an air of definite finality. "As you clearly did not hear me, Cissy, I will repeat myself: it is not just my nephew who has forbidden me to speak, the Dark Lord has also ordered my silence. I'm sure you will not wish to go against his authority."

"Of course not," I replied, even though it wasn't really a question. "I'm just worried about my son."

"I won't let him come to any harm, and Snape, much as I distrust him, can't let him get hurt either."

"He can if you lift the Vow," I pointed out.

"Cissy, you know that also requires your permission. And presence. That safeguard is in place, for better or worse, until all three of us decide to change it."

"I suppose so," I replied.

"Do you really think I'd lift that Vow, even if I could, without your permission?"

"I don't know," I replied, meeting her eyes.

"I see. Of course you don't, why would you trust me?"

"I'm sorry," I said, in response to her tone and expression. "I don't mean to upset you. I mean, I do trust you, it's just you were reluctant about Severus…. No, it's not even that. I'm just being a worrying mother again."

She sighed. "Well, don't be. Draco's got plenty of people looking out for him." She walked over towards me and laid a hand on my shoulder. As a child and a young woman, Bella would touch me all the time, but I'd only observed gestures like that extremely rarely since Azkaban. "Really, Cissy, he'll be fine."

I didn't believe her. On reflection after our conversation, I believe her even less if anything, however much I want to hope that what she says is true. However, I have always feared that Draco's task was never intended to be a success. What Bella revealed about the Dark Lord's command for her silence has helped to lend weight to these suspicions. Besides, why would the Dark Lord give a task like that to a child if he wanted it to work? I suppose Draco is at Hogwarts so it's easier, and he may not want Severus to lose his cover, but I still suspect he set this task as a punishment.

I will finish now, as it pains me to talk on this subject further.

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	6. Chapter 5: Red, gold and Black?

**A/N: **Again, this isn't betad and will be replaced with the betad version later if necessary.

Hope you enjoy!

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Diary,

No, that doesn't work, does it? I was trying to find a beginning different to "dear Diary".

Anyway, without anything really to do today, I have decided to return to the solace of writing. As I don't have the mind for writing something creative, and I never enjoyed reading due to the associations it has with school, writing down my own memories is the only form of escapism I have. Therefore I suppose I will continue.

The next memory that particularly stands out to me is my own first visit to Hogwarts.

_Despite laughing along with Bella at Andy's state of mind two years before, I could not help but imitate her and began packing and re-packing daily about a week before September 1st. They now both had the turn of scorning my excitement, Bella going so far as to assure me that if I got my hopes up so high I was sure to be disappointed. However, even this unappealing prospect didn't dent my spirits for long._

_Finally, after what seemed like years of agonising waiting, it was the evening of August 31st. I was spending my time constantly dodging back and forth between my sisters' rooms, bombarding both of them with questions about Hogwarts. Andy bore it with more patience, the memory of her own excitement still fresh in her mind, and being of a gentler nature anyway. Bella was rather more snappish: she was about to go into fifth year at the time, and, as she told me that evening: "In no mood to put up with little sisters acting as though they are five."_

_I suppose one circumstance that didn't help was that she was partway through reading a long letter from Rodolphus Lestrange. The two didn't officially start dating until my second year, but in hindsight I think at that point there was a little more going on than friendship. Of course, my naïve eleven-year-old self was far too wrapped up in my own excitement, and far too unsuspecting, to have any idea about this._

_As I could see Bella didn't want me around, I mostly pestered Andy._

_"So what's Hogwarts like?" I asked for about the fiftieth time._

_She laughed. "Oh Cissy, wait and see, will you? You don't want to spoil the surprise."_

_"What surprise!" I exclaimed. "Is there something you haven't told me?"_

_She sighed and shook her head. "No, Cis, nothing. Just try and think about something else."_

_"But I can't."_

_The conversation continued in that manner for most of the evening, but despite feeling like a decade away the next morning did eventually come around, and passed fairly quickly in the flurry of Andy and Bella's packing, and my attempts to pack things I suddenly thought I would need, only to be prevented by one of my sisters._

_"Cissy, don't take all your dolls, you'll look like a baby," Bella warned me as she saw me trying to cram them into my trunk. "Besides, they won't fit, you'll break them. They'll be fine here."_

_Despite my protestations, Bella won as she almost always did._

_Eventually, we were at the platform. Our cousins soon arrived. Sirius was also due to start Hogwarts this year, while Regulus would remain at home. In those first few moments, Sirius and I clung together, suddenly nervous. Rabastan joined us, as I had spent a fair amount of time with him when my sisters were at Hogwarts, and he had also met Sirius a few times. Andy had made a slightly separate circle of friends, but Bella was quick to take us under her wing, as was Rabastan's brother Rodolphus._

_Soon, the whistle blew and we hurried onto the train. We barely said goodbye to our parents, although I spent a little more time than the others saying my farewells to Father. However, I soon forgot all about home as I was hustled into a compartment by my eldest sister. Bella was quick to grab me and introduce me to all her friends, some of whom I'd glimpsed when their parents were invited to one of my parents' parties, but none of whom I'd spoken to, although I'd seen a couple of their younger brothers and sisters in some cases._

_"Michael and Jessica Avery," Bella began, introducing two siblings, the sister a few years younger than the brother. The girl had long, very dark hair and deep brown eyes, and showed every promise of being extremely beautiful when she got older. "Jessica is in first year, like you. And here are Amycus and Alecto Carrow," Bella introduced another pair of siblings, this time I presumed twins, who had just walked in. I didn't particularly like the look of them: there was a certain vacant look in their eyes that suggested some ignorance. Unlike Jessica, who I wouldn't be sorry to know better. "Illedius Macnair," she continued, gesturing at a fifth year sitting next to Michael. "And Lucius Malfoy," Bella said, a slight reluctance in her introduction of the last person, who strode into the compartment like he owned it, in a style similar to, but less brash than, Bella's own._

_"Everyone, this is Rodolphus' younger brother Rabastan, my cousin Sirius, and my youngest sister Narcissa. Or Cissy, if you prefer."_

_"Bella…" I protested in hushed tones, annoyed that she made my nickname public without my permission._

_I sat between Sirius and Jessica, eager to form a friendship with the latter. I succeeded in that aim quite quickly, as we found we were fairly similar. And of course, the Averys were a very respectable pureblood family, although not quite as old as my own. We agreed that it was quite disgraceful that we should be expected to share our education with Mudbloods, and both expressed a firm wish to be placed in Slytherin._

_"It's the only acceptable house these days, that's what Michael says and I must say I agree," Jessica commented._

_"Absolutely. My parents are very worried about us mixing with such people, but I intend to avoid them as much as possible. It's nice to find someone decent to talk to outside my own family here though, I was worried I wouldn't make any friends."_

_"With a name and a sister like yours? Hardly. But it's so scary you worry about all kind of strange things. Do you like Quidditch?"_

_"I like to watch it. I'm not much good at flying," I replied._

_"Same here. I'm fine at flying, but I really don't enjoy it, although it's wonderful to watch."_

_Later in the ride, Andy joined us with her friends Patricia Parkinson (the Quidditch enthusiast) and Eleanor Nott. Andy also had a friend, a half-blood, which Bella didn't particularly like: Isabel Clarke. She also joined us despite Bella's dislike. Eleanor spent most of her time talking to Bella, Alecto, Jessica and myself, rather than to her own friends._

_Eventually we came within sight of Hogwarts, and all of us who were in first year piled against the window of the compartment, trying to get the first look._

_"You'd better all get your robes on," Rodolphus said authoritatively. "We'll be there sooner than you think. Girls, stay in here, lads, we'd best go stand outside. Apart from myself, of course," He joked. Bella punched him playfully. He winced. "Was that supposed to be playful? Merlin, Bella, you don't know your own strength."_

_The others laughed, particularly the males, but looking back I think Rodolphus felt his friends' scorn a fair sacrifice for the reception his compliment (for that would be how Bella saw it) received: she looked pleased, smug even. Isabel gave a rather fake laugh: it seemed the dislike was mutual._

_"Well go on then, we need to get changed," Bella said by way of an answer._

_They left and we got changed, and then we swapped, with us standing outside._

_"Hurry up, will you?" Bella called impatiently._

_Eventually, we went back inside to get our trunks, and shortly afterwards the train arrived at the station._

_"I'm so excited!" I exclaimed to Jess._

_"Yes, me too," she agreed._

_We arrived on the platform, and were called by a huge man, with a quite shocking appearance and accent._

_"Firs' years over 'ere!"_

_"He wasn't here when I first came. We had a change of Headmaster in Andy's first year: the new one was our old Transfiguration teacher. Typical of him to appoint someone like that."_

_We separated from Bella and the others, and walked towards the man. He took us down to the shore of a huge, dark lake._

_"Four to a boat," he instructed._

_A little nervously, I clambered into a boat with Jessica, Sirius and Rabastan. Once everyone was in, the boats began to sail across the lake. We gasped as we looked up and saw our first real sight of Hogwarts castle. It was huge, with turrets spiralling up and up, and looked very majestic sitting on a slight rise and surveying the grounds around it. Yet the many lights blazing in the windows made it look welcoming as well as daunting._

_Eventually, we reached the other shore of the lake. I stepped out of the boat, careful to hold my robes up to stop them getting dirty. We approached the magnificent front doors of the castle, which were soon opened for us. There was no one else around, but I knew they would already have been brought here in the horseless carriages and would be in the Great Hall, awaiting our arrival._

_A stern looking witch with a tight bun of hair and a tall, black hat met us in the Entrance Hall._

_"Welcome to Hogwarts," she began. "I am Professor McGonagall." I had guessed as much from Bella and Andy's descriptions of the teachers. "In a moment you will proceed through the doors behind me and into the Great Hall. You will be sorted alphabetically and will then join your house table. Your house will be like your family at Hogwarts: you will sleep in your house dormitory, have lessons with the rest of your house, eat at your house table and spend free time in your house common room." She paused. "Please form an orderly line."_

_There was a little squabbling as we sorted out a line, but it did not take too long. The doors opened before us and we marched into Hogwarts' Great Hall, arguably the most amazing room in the castle._

_It was a huge hall, with an oaken table raised on a dais at one end, and four similar, but larger tables, in the space before it. Behind each of these were hung several huge tapestries: blue and bronze with an eagle motif for Ravenclaw; black, yellow and a badger for Hufflepuff, bright scarlet, gold and a roaring lion for Gryffindor, and then finally, on the far right, the green and silver of Slytherin, coupled with the beautiful, twisting serpent design._

_Behind the raised staff table hung the more intricate Hogwarts crest, combining all four of these logos with the motto Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus written beneath. And of course, there was the amazing ceiling, reflecting the sky outside: so far without rain, but with dark storm clouds threatening._

_In front of the house tables, at the base of the staff table, there was a stool with a battered, patched, ancient looking hat resting upon it._

_A rip opened in its brim and it began to sing. As I had heard of the Sorting Hat's songs before, I was far too nervous to really be listening. I presume it simply listed the qualities of each house and its role, as it did every year._

_Professor McGonagall unfurled a piece of parchment._

_"Avery, Jessica," she called._

_Looking a little nervous, Jess walked towards the stool, sat down and placed the hat upon her head. It barely touched her before the rip opened again and the Hat cried "SLYTHERIN!"_

_The far right hand table broke into applause. I could see Michael grinning and applauding especially hard for his sister. Jess leapt off the stool and hurried to the table, sliding into a seat next to her brother._

_Another name was called, then: "Black, Narcissa."_

_The nervousness in my stomach reached a peak. Feeling ill, I hesitantly approached the stool, and sat down shakily, putting the hat on my head._

_Another Black, I see, it whispered. Yes, you certainly fit with the rest…_

_"SLYTHERIN!" the hat cried._

_Feeling immensely relieved, I got down from the stool and hurried to the table, taking the vacant seat between Bella and Andy, opposite Jess._

_"Well done, Cissy," Bella said._

_"Welcome to Hogwarts," Andy added with a grin._

_They clearly would have said more, but then McGonagall called another name._

_"Black, Sirius."_

_Sirius approached the stool slowly, the cocky swagger he usually had noticeably absent from his manner. He sat down and placed the hat on his head._

_It stayed there in silence for a very long time._

_"What on Earth is the matter!" Bella exclaimed, clearly worried._

_Andy and I looked at each other. The suspense began to make me feel ill with worry again, and I could almost feel the air crackling with Bella's tension._

_Finally, the rip in the hat's brim opened wide. We all tensed up. Blacks had always been in Slytherin, it had to be Slytherin…_

_"GRYFFINDOR!"_

_We were all speechless with shock. Bella began to slowly turn crimson with embarrassment and rage._

_He hesitatingly stood up and wandered to the Gryffindor table, a look of utter confusion and unhappiness on his face._

_"How… what…" I stammered, unsure what to say._

_"What on Earth happened there?!" Bella spat suddenly, seeming to have found her voice. She made to get up. Andy made a move to grab her arm, but Rodolphus got there first, carefully but firmly pushing her down into her seat._

_"You won't gain anything by rushing after him. You'll need to see him afterwards," he said gently. "Bella, don't be silly. Don't draw attention to it."_

_Slowly, Bella sank back into her seat, and stared straight ahead with blank eyes. "I can't believe it," she whispered eventually. "Tell me this is a nightmare…"_

_"It's alright," Rodolphus said, clearly trying to adopt a soothing tone of voice, and the attempt was very successful for him. "I'm sure it was some kind of a mistake. He looked as baffled as the rest of us."_

_"He's still been Sorted," Bella murmured. "Has anyone ever changed house after being Sorted?"_

_"I'm sure someone has at some point. Maybe the charm on the hat malfunctioned for a moment. I'm sure everything will be fine..."_

_"He's right. I'm sure it's a mistake; don't get too mad at Sirius. He must feel bad enough already," Andy added gently._

_Much as they tried, neither Rodolphus nor Andy was able to console Bella. I didn't quite realise the full implications of what it meant: while I knew it was a disgrace to be sorted into any other house, particularly Gryffindor, I didn't know why our parents were so adamant to keep us in Slytherin. But it was essential to our whole social standing, and it also helped to shape people as they grew up. Sirius' Sorting would have much further reaching implications than I would have thought of in my wildest dreams at the age of eleven: I just thought he would get told off, and maybe we'd manage to get him moved into Slytherin._

_Bella and Andy were both subdued throughout the rest of the feast, and I was also uneasy. I didn't take the delight in the sights and atmosphere of Hogwarts I would otherwise have done, and ate less of the delicious feast than I would in normal circumstances. Eventually, we were sent off to bed. I walked towards the common room feeling both anticipation for my lessons the next day and worry about what would happen with Sirius._

_I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice when the others hurried off down a set of stairs to the left, and instead I continued wandering straight ahead, not really noticing where I was going._

_Eventually, a loud voice broke into my thoughts._

_"Narcissa!"_

_I turned in its direction, and saw Lucius Malfoy hurrying along behind me._

_"Where are you going?" He asked me when he caught me up._

_"Um…" I looked around; suddenly realising I must have gone wrong. "I don't know."_

_He gave me a sympathetic smile. "Good job I found you, Hogwarts is easy to get lost in."_

_We turned around and began to walk back towards the common room together._

_"Sorry, I never really greeted you on the train," he began. "Welcome to Hogwarts, Narcissa. It's a real pleasure to meet you."_

_I smiled. "You too," I replied. "What year are you in?"_

_"Third- same as your sister Andromeda. I'm sorry about your cousin. I guess that's how you got lost?"_

_I nodded._

_"Never mind. This school's so badly run now it must be rubbing off on the Hat. Shame it had to ruin your first day: was everything else satisfactory?"_

_"Definitely," I replied. "I love it here."_

_He laughed. "Just wait until you get your first pile of homework, you may change your mind." Seeing my face fall, he added: "Just joking. It's wonderful here, even if the new Headmaster is rather poor." We were now sauntering along quite slowly, as I looked curiously around at the new sights. "We'd best hurry up, Bellatrix'll be going mad. Well, madder I might say."_

_I turned towards him. "You don't like her?" I asked, in an accusing tone._

_"Oh, I don't dislike her. We're just rather different: sometimes we clash a little. But she didn't exaggerate in her praise of you."_

_We reached the door to the common room._

_"Parseltounge," Lucius said authoritatively. "That's the password, remember it," he added as we walked through the door._

_I barely had time to catch a glimpse of the room before my older sisters pounced on me..._

_"Oh, Cissy, are you alright?" Andy asked. "We were sure you were lost: were you frightened?"_

_"Don't embarrass her, Andy. Cissy, you prat, how could you go wrong following us?"_

_"Deep in thought, it seems," Lucius replied. "Weren't you, Narcissa? I don't think she can have been frightened, Andromeda," he said, turning towards her. "She didn't seem to realise she was lost until I found her."_

_"She'd have found her way back eventually," Bella scowled. "She didn't need you babying her, Malfoy."_

_"Thank you for helping my little sister out, Lucius.' 'Oh, not a problem, Bella'. ' See you tomorrow. Thanks again.' 'Night Bella.' What a charming girl," Lucius muttered sarcastically._

_Bella smacked him on the arm. "Shut up."_

_"I don't know how Lestrange managed to pretend that hurt," he mocked._

_Bella looked livid. "He wasn't pretending anything!"_

_"Not even the part where he said he wouldn't mind staying in the compartment while you got changed?" Lucius said with a malicious grin._

_"You-" Bella spat._

_"Thank you for your help," I said, before Bella could get into a full-scale rant._

_"Come on, Bella. Let's go show Narcissa to her dormitory," Andy said, taking Bella's arm. "Night," she said over her shoulder to Lucius._

_We all went upstairs, Bella very reluctantly. Jess and three other girls were already there when my sisters ushered me into my dormitory and bade me goodnight._

_I got very little sleep that first night. My worry for Sirius and my excitement at finally being at Hogwarts vied with each other as I lay awake that night, unable to slow my brain's busy pace as I turned the events of the day over and over in my mind._

_The next morning, I was awoken by someone shaking me. I groggily opened my eyes to see Bella, fully dressed._

_"What time is it?"_

_"Never mind that, just get ready. I'm going to get Andy."_

_I dragged myself out of bed and to the bathroom. Half an hour later, dressed, I met Andy and Bella in the Common Room, in the middle of a heated argument._

_"Bella, you'll upset him! Leave him alone!"_

_"We need to speak to him. He must be bewildered: we need to help him change house again."_

_"Well, I'll have no part of it!" Andy insisted. "You've no right to drag me and Cissy along."_

_"You'd rather him think you're not talking to him? We need to tell him we don't blame him, and take him to talk to the Headmaster about it."_

_"You think Dumbledore will let him change?"_

_"If Sirius asks, yes. It's not just our reputation, Andy. I want Sirius to be around, in Slytherin. You know I care about him."_

_"You baby him."_

_"Of course I do. He's my little cousin."_

_"He can take care of himself."_

_"I don't want to lose him!" There was a silence. "There, you've made me say it," Bella said in a calmer voice. "Happy now?"_

_"We won't lose him."_

_"You know Sirius. You know he loves to do anything to be contrary: but if we leave him in Gryffindor, he may cross the line. And yes, then we'll lose him."_

_"What do you mean, cross the line?"_

_"Make friends with Mudbloods and Muggle-lovers. He's at a vulnerable age, Andy."_

_"Fine: but don't get angry with him."_

_"I won't. I know how to deal with Sirius."_

_"Narcissa?" Andy exclaimed, noticing me peering around the corner for the first time._

_Bella wheeled around. "Cissy," she said with an attempted smile, although it looked more like a grimace. "How long have you been there?"_

_"You don't really think Sirius will want to stay in Gryffindor, do you?" I asked._

_"Of course not!" She exclaimed. "Look, let's go and find him. We've wasted enough time already."_

_We went and lay in wait for Sirius outside the Gryffindor common room._

_"What happened?" Bella exclaimed as soon as he appeared._

_"I'm sorry," he said, still sounding shocked and confused. "I tried to tell it to put me in Slytherin, but it wouldn't listen."_

_"Maybe if you ask Professor Dumbledore, he'll let you change Houses," Andy said gently. "It's OK, Siri, no-one blames you."_

_"I asked him: he said he thought I should stay in Gryffindor." Sirius sounded a little bitter, but resigned._

_"I knew he was no good!" Bella fumed. "What right has he to deprive a Black?"_

_"I was mad too," Sirius said. "I don't want to be all on my own. But then I thought: what use is it arguing?"_

_Bellatrix sighed. "Fine. But just make sure you remember who you are, Sirius."_

_"We're always here for you if you have any problems, even if we are in different houses. Cheer up, I'm sure you'll be fine," Andy said encouragingly._

_"Thanks," Sirius said with a weak smile, looking at Andy. "I'd better go to breakfast." He disappeared off down the hallway._

_"I can't believe Dumbledore-" Bella began, but Andy cut her off with a hand on her arm._

_"It's no good raging, Bella. I'm sure Sirius will be OK- there are some respectable people in Gryffindor after all." She turned to me. "Are you OK, Cissy? You're not saying much."_

_"Nervous about classes," I muttered._

_They both knew I was lying, but played along with it._

_"You'll be fine: you're a really good witch, Cissy," Bella said. "Should we go to breakfast? I'm hungry."_

_"You're always hungry," I said with a slight laugh._

_We all turned and walked towards the Great Hall, and my first day of lessons began._

I think that will have to do for today. It grows late, and I am beginning to drop asleep over the page. I will write more next time.

Narcissa Malfoy.

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	7. Chapter 6: An Unexpected Visitor

**Author's Note: **Firstly, sorry it's been a while. I hope you all enjoyed DH as much as I did. Which brings me to my second point: the end of this story is not DH compliant, as suspected might be the case. That issue won't come up for a while though. There are also non-DH compliant elements in this, but they're nothing huge.

Also, some of you may recognise this chapter. As I said before, this is a major rework of a fic I did have up before. However, this chapter has only had a few minor changes as I was quite happy with this one, so lots of it will be recognised.

A note to my beta, Sinister Shadow: sorry I didn't wait for you to finish looking at this, but I haven't updated for ages so I wanted to get it up! Besides, most of it's pretty similar to what you've seen before.

On to the chapter!

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Dear Diary,

I had an unexpected (but not unwelcome) visitor today. I was sitting in my bedroom, reading a book, when there was a knock at the door.

That's a lie. I was sitting in my bedroom, and I did look as if I was reading, but my mind kept straying to Lucius and Draco, and before I knew it I was crying. I am ashamed of this weakness, but I suppose as I was in my private chambers if I had to do it, that was the most appropriate time and place.

Anyway, while I was sat there wallowing in anxiety and self-pity, in other words acting like some silly Mudblood, there was a knock at the door and before I could answer the house-elf scurried in.

"Yes?" I asked, trying to sound aloof yet impatient. The effect, I am sure, was ruined by my hastily wiping my eyes.

"Mistress," it began in its high squeaky voice, "Master Severus Snape is in the hall. He wonders if he would be able to meet with you briefly, if you are not busy?"

It did not take me long to come to a decision; I had always enjoyed Severus' company, although he had always been more Lucius' friend than mine. "Of course. Tell him I will be down to see him in a few minutes, and take him into the parlour and give him refreshments."

"Yes ma'am." The house-elf bowed low and left.

I turned to the large silver-framed mirror that hung on the wall and inspected my appearance. The results were not pleasing. My eyes were slightly redder than they should have been and there were cleaner lines on my cheeks. I wiped my eyes properly with a tissue, straightened my hair and attire, and hurried downstairs.

Severus was seated in the parlour, a glass of wine in his hand, and flicking through a book. His expression betrayed surprise, and I realised with a horrible start that it was this diary. How could I have left it lying around so carelessly?

"Severus!" I exclaimed. "Why are you looking at that?" I was afraid, wondering how much he had read. If he had read my traitorous thoughts…

He jerked, surprised at my sudden exclamation. However, he quickly regained his composure. "Narcissa," he greeted. "Forgive me, I saw this lying here and I was curious. I should not have allowed my inquisitiveness to invade on your privacy, however."

I shook my head as I sat down next to him. "There's nothing to forgive, Severus, it was almost an invitation for readers to have not put it away properly. I was not expecting guests, but not all surprises are unwelcome." I tried to smile.

He studied me closely. "Have I chosen an inconvenient moment to call?"

"No, not at all," I denied. "Why-" I began, but he interrupted me.

"You've been crying." It was a statement rather than a question.

I nodded. There was no point in denying it, although his straightforwardness took me a little by surprise. All we had really shared before was trivial conversation, save for when I visited him at his home in Spinner's End.

"Can I help you in any way, Narcissa?" He inquired, and for a brief instant he looked concerned.

I shook my head. "No, Severus, you've already done all you can do. Not that you are at all unwelcome, it is a great comfort to have company, but why do I have the pleasure of seeing you here?"

Severus shrugged. "It is nothing important, I just thought you might wish for some company. I also wanted to tell you what I know concerning Draco."

"How is he?"

"Unfortunately, he is very reluctant to allow me to help him. He seems to think he does not need any assistance, although I have noticed recently that he seems to be getting a little desperate. His task does not appear to be progressing quite as well as it should be, but he does not seem to trust me enough to confide in me. He is determined to do this alone, Narcissa. I am sorry I have been so far useless."

"You've certainly not been useless, Severus. You've provided me with some peace to know that you are watching over Draco. Indeed, you have been the only person to assist at all." I paused. "And it is also more helpful than you can ever know for you to have visited today. I hope you will stay for dinner?"

He smiled. "Of course Narcissa, I would be delighted to."

Half an hour later, we were seated across from one another at the magnificent oak dining table. The dining room at the manor was very impressive, even by my high standards. It was large, but was not so great that one felt lost in it. There were two huge fires, one at each end, and the extensive table ran down the length of the room. Two splendid chandeliers hung from the high ceiling for light. Around the walls hung tapestries of various famous wizards and witches (all related in some way to the Malfoy family). It was an ancient room, full of history and magnificence.

Anyway, forgive me for becoming diverted. As I was saying, Severus and I were seated at one end of the table, near to the fire. The house-elf had served us and then bustled back to the kitchen, allowing us our privacy.

"So, Severus, how are things at Hogwarts?"

He sighed. "Stressful," he admitted. "I spend far too much time repeating lessons for the benefit of those who do not trouble themselves to listen or are too dim-witted to understand the first time. The most frustrating thing of all is continuing to teach Potter. Although finally being able to teach Defence Against the Dark Arts makes up for it somewhat." He shook his head and took a small sip of wine. "The new Potions master is constantly praising Potter's abilities. I don't know how he is cheating, but I certainly know he cannot have become even remotely satisfactory at Potions over one summer."

I nodded. "He is too arrogant for his own good. One of these days he will pay for it. Do you know I met him in Diagon Alley in the summer, and he had the nerve to talk back to me! He… he even insulted Lucius, right to my face…" I trailed off.

A look of pity crossed Severus' face for a moment, before it was replaced by his usual inscrutable expression. "Don't take notice of a word Potter says. He is ignorant and arrogant to the core, just like his father."

I nodded. There was an awkward pause, which I filled by speaking about the first subject I thought of, which of course was my son.

"I wish Draco had not stayed at school for Christmas. I miss him." I paused, realising how unguarded I was becoming in my worry, and hastened to add: "Please, take no notice of me. I am far too sentimental, as Bella reminds me every time I see her."

There was a long silence, before Severus spoke. "I hope you feel you can confide in someone; it is horrible to be alone. Please feel free to be as sentimental, as you put it, in front of me. I assure you I won't mind."

I shook my head. "You've done enough for me, Severus. I just worry what I will do if Draco fails. The Dark Lord… he will kill him, won't he?"

Severus shook his head. "I don't believe so, Narcissa. He may torture Draco, but I think he will then keep him alive to do other tasks."

I shivered involuntarily. The calm way Severus spoke about Draco's possible torture made me feel ill: and the latter few words of his sentence brought to mind an image of Draco looking like Bella: maddened, skeletal… evil. The worst thing was I could see no way out other than death for my son.

"Is there nowhere you could go if he should fail?" Severus asked, as though reading my thoughts.

I hesitated… surely Severus was not suggesting that I try and escape the Dark Lord, that I attempt to hide from him?

"Why would I wish to go anywhere?" I asked guardedly, convinced this must be a trick: although I trusted Severus, I knew him to be close to the Dark Lord, and therefore I couldn't understand why he would suggest what his words seemed to point at.

"I am sure you would not. I was merely pointing out that it may be possible to help Draco." Lowering his voice, he added in a whisper: "bear in mind that not everyone is as… unyielding… as the Dark Lord."

"I wish he'd accept help," I murmured, trying to steer away from the dangerous subject Severus had mentioned. "How does he expect to complete his task all alone?"

"Apart from Bellatrix."

I lifted my head to meet his eyes in surprise. "You know about that?"

"Yes, the Occlumency she has been teaching him proved rather a hindrance in my attempts to find out his plans."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. At least we know he's improving at it."

"Indeed," he replied. After a pause he added: "Is he not even coming home to allow her to continue his tuition?"

"Yes, but only for the last week of the Christmas holidays: I think he realises that if he actually came over Christmas then I wouldn't let him go to Bella's, I'd want to spend the time with him."

"Have you spoken to your sister? I'm sure he will have told-"

"He has, but she's not giving anything away. She says the Dark Lord forbade her from telling me anything."

"Ah," he said. "That complicates matters. I'm afraid it has come down to us trusting Draco and your sister to know what they are doing. Of course, I will continue trying to persuade him to confide in me."

"You think he might have a chance?"

"With all the help he is getting, if he is careful, then I believe so. At the very least, if he fails and I kill Dumbledore the Dark Lord ought not to be too angry: at least he will be dead."

"If he succeeds… he'll really be a Death Eater then, won't he?" I asked despairingly.

"You won't lose your son, Narcissa. I'll make sure of that."

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	8. Chapter 7: A more successful Sorting

**A/N: **Thanks to **justawritier **for being the only person to review the last few chapters, if my memory doesn't deceive me. Thanks also to all you silent readers my hit count assures me are there. Unless justawritier reads this an awful lot, that is. I hardly ever review stuff myself nowadays, though, so I really can't talk.

Anyway, here's the next chapter. Hopefully you enjoy: I particularly want advice on the last scene. I'm a little unsure about it, although my beta said she liked it...

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Dear Diary,

Depressed as I am after Severus' departure, I think I will write more about the past to take my mind off the present.

My first year at Hogwarts was not the only exciting one. Subsequent years are also worth reporting here, so I will begin this entry with an account of some of the events of my second year that stand out most in my memory.

_The last of the Blacks arrived at Hogwarts that year. After all the uproar around Sirius' Sorting last year, there was very heavy pressure on Regulus. As McGonagall called "Black, Regulus," most of the Slytherin table fell silent, watching us. The tension was incredible. Regulus looked very pale as he sat down on the stool and placed the hat on his head with shaking hands._

_It took its time Sorting him, but nowhere near as long as for Sirius. When the rip in its brim began to open, we all held our breath._

_"SLYTHERIN!" The Hat cried._

_"Yes!" Bella leapt onto her feet to clap as Regulus hurried towards us, while I scrambled closer to Andy to make room for him. Bella threw her arm around him as he arrived._

_"Brilliant, Reg! I knew you wouldn't disappoint me."_

_Regulus looked very relieved, and blushed at Bella's compliment. He'd always looked up to all of us, but Bella especially. For her part, she always took a special interest in Regulus: she mothered him at least as much as she did me, and more than Andy._

_Our happy mood continued throughout the evening. Bella's pleasure was particularly infectious, and she was noisier than ever. Regulus, shy at all the attention, didn't say much, and Andy was more sedate: but then she always was calmer than Bella._

_Bellatrix's good mood prompted Rodolphus to ask what he'd clearly been wanting to for a long time now, but either had never picked up the courage or had been waiting for the best moment. He was sat opposite her, and when we'd finished dessert and were all talking, leant across the table and said something quietly to her._

_"Sorry, I didn't catch that," Bella said with a grin that showed she had._

_"You're a tease, Bella," he muttered. Then, louder, he asked: "Do you want to go into Hogsmeade the next time we're allowed?"_

_"With you or alone?" Seeing his irritated expression, Bella raised her hands in surrender and said: "Of course I would. I thought you'd never ask."_

_"I thought you'd never answer," he grumbled. "Why do you always do your best to humiliate me?"_

_"Because it's fun," she said with a wicked grin._

_The next Hogsmeade visit occurred at Halloween. I was jealous of Bella and Andy, both able to go while I was stuck in the castle. I was bored, so I ended up walking down early to the edge of the grounds to meet them._

_I saw Bella and Rodolphus returning first. They were hand in hand, and Bella had a flower tucked into her hair. She was smiling, not a sneer or a sarcastic smile but a genuine one that lit up her face. It was one of the few times I saw Bella looking truly innocent, truly carefree, enjoying herself. I think it was the last time I saw her like that. Afterwards, however happy the occasion, her face always seemed to be shadowed, as though there was always some part of her thinking about the war, or more accurately the Dark Lord. Of course, now the mad glint never truly leaves her eyes. I don't want my son to become a Death Eater: even if he succeeds in his task and is rewarded. When I see what the Dark Lord and Azkaban have done to my sister, I cannot let the same thing happen to my son._

_When they reached the grounds, I was reluctant to go and meet them and disturb them, but Bella spotted me and waved me over, giving me a glowing smile._

_"I brought you some stuff from Honeydukes. I'm sorry you couldn't come," she said, holding out a bag full of sweets. "The chocolate bar's from Rodolphus, the rest's from me."_

_"Thanks!" I exclaimed. "It looks delicious." After a pause, I added: "You look like you enjoyed yourself."_

_"Of course I did." She smiled at Rodolphus, who returned it eagerly._

_"How are you, Cissy?" He asked me._

_"Fine. I wish I could go to Hogsmeade, but I will next year."_

_"It is a lovely place. We'll come down with you next year, show you all the best spots. And Rabastan, of course."_

_That had been one consequence on my life resulting from Bella's romance. Rabastan and I ended up spending a lot of time together, as Bella and Rodolphus always sat together in the common room: sometimes alone, but usually Rodolphus would want to talk to Rabastan and Bella wanted to see Andy or me, or often both. When the two of them went away, became busy with the piles of homework set for the sixth years, or, more often, were engrossed in conversation (or less platonic pursuits) with each other, I usually ended up chatting to Rabastan._

_On one of these occasions, just after Christmas, the other two had gone for a walk, leaving Rabastan, Andy and I sitting together in the Common Room. Andy was reading the Daily Prophet, and she sighed very sadly at one part of it._

_"What's the matter?" I asked._

_"More disappearances," Andy said, biting her lip in worry. "And six Muggles have been found dead in Kent."_

_Rabastan laughed. "Cheer up Andy, they're only Muggles. Good riddance I say."_

_Andy looked up from her paper, putting it aside. "Really?"_

_I knew Andy well enough to recognise the danger signs in that tone of voice, but Andy spoke quite quietly and gently, making Rabastan feel safe to elaborate._

_"The Dark Lord's got the right idea," he said, lowering his voice in caution. "My parents have always stood firm behind him."_

_"You mean they're Death Eaters?" Andy said, her tone still gentle, although I could sense the disapproval there._

_"Of course: they knew him when he was still at school, they say he was always exceptional."_

_"So do you want to be one?"_

_"I'm a little young now to be of any use, but I look forward to it when I'm older. I believe Rodolphus may join up this year, although it's not certain."_

_This piece of news shocked Andy out of her usual gentle manner. "What about Bella?!"_

_Rabastan looked puzzled. "What about Bella? I can't see how it will affect her. The Dark Lord will have no problem with her: the Blacks are a respectable family and Bella's certainly no blood-traitor. I imagine she may want to join, too, although that's only speculation and she certainly won't have to, the Dark Lord is perfectly happy with people who support from behind the scenes. Besides, it's not like she's inextricably linked to my brother. They only started dating the beginning of this year, although I reckon they'll marry eventually."_

_This prediction shocked me. I didn't want Bella to get married, or end up fighting as a Death Eater: it was a painful reminder of how much older she was than me, and what that might mean. I never normally felt that much younger than she was: but in moments like that I realised it._

_"Excuse me," Andy said, anger and fear simmering beneath her calm tone. "I'm going for a walk."_

_"What's the matter with her?" Rabastan said, confused._

_"She worries," I offered as way of explanation. "She'll be OK."_

_A few days later, I was walking along the corridor when I heard voices, one of which was Bella's, issuing from a classroom. Curious, I stopped to listen._

_"It is not too late," came the second voice, which I now recognised as the Headmaster's. He was as calm as always, but there was an undertone of anxiety in his voice. "Consider, Miss Black. You are an exceptional witch, and a very intelligent woman."_

_"It's none of your business. Sir," Bella said sarcastically._

_"Of course. What you do with your life has to be your own decision. I can only advise you not to throw it away."_

_"I don't know what you're talking about."_

_"I know you feel that you cannot continue your relationship with Mr Lestrange without supporting Lord Voldemort…"_

_"Don't say his name!" Bella exclaimed nervously._

_He sighed. "I cannot help you any further until you want my help. Please remember that you can always come to me if you change your mind, and I will be able to protect you."_

_"I don't need your protection."_

_"Very well. But remember, Bellatrix, it's never too late to turn back."_

_I heard Bella moving towards the door, so I quickly backed away and slipped around the corner. I watched her go striding past, looking furious: and yet a little worried at the same time. Perhaps his words had touched her, however little. But of course, at that point she had not yet met the Dark Lord in person._

At the time, I didn't understand Dumbledore's concern. Now, however, seeing the insane, skeletal wreck she is, I realise what he was trying to prevent. Often, I even wish he succeeded. If the Dark Lord finds this diary, with these traitorous thoughts written so clearly in it, I will be dead: but I have to say them somewhere, or I feel I might go as mad as my sister. I almost don't care anymore.

Until tomorrow,

Narcissa Malfoy.

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**PLEASE REMEMBER TO REVIEW!** Yes, I do just stick this at the end of everything. Concrit is especially welcome, although of course praise is always great :D


	9. Chapter 8: Azkaban

**Author's Note: **Again, thanks to everyone who reviews this story, and to all you silent readers! Thanks also to my beta **Sinister Shadow** for reading this through for me: good luck with your original story, Sinister!

Enjoy (hopefully)!

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Dear Diary,

I am going to visit Lucius today. The Ministry decided to be cruel enough to deny me permission to see him for a full six months, but finally I have been informed I am allowed to.

I felt very worried as I approached the cold, formidable entrance to Azkaban prison. A guard met me in the entrance hallway.

"Mrs Malfoy." His tone was gentle enough, but I could hear the disapproval underlying it. "You need to surrender your wand. It will be returned to you as you leave."

I handed it over, and he flicked his own wand, sending it sailing into an office, where it was sealed in a small box.

"Follow me, please."

He led me through a maze of hallways and stairwells towards the upper part of the prison. Eventually, he paused at a cell door. He waved his wand at it, and it swung open, leaving a very narrow gap for us to pass through.

"Mr Malfoy? You've got a visitor," he called before leading me through the door and closing it behind us.

I gasped when I saw my husband. He was crumpled in a heap on the far side of the room, his hair matted, his clothes filthy and torn. He raised his face to look at me and I had to bite back tears: his cheekbones stood out prominently on his thin face, and his eyes looked blank and hollow. However, once he looked at me I saw recognition flash in them and his face lit up with a smile.

"Narcissa." His voice was hoarse, harsh: not the smoothened sound it usually had.

I felt a tear escape my eyes. "Lucius," I choked.

"Ma'am?" The guard said.

I reluctantly looked towards him.

"Strictly, I'm supposed to stay in here with you, so not a word about this to anyone, but I'll be just outside. Shout if you need me at all."

"Thank you."

He left, and I walked over towards Lucius and began to kneel down next to him, but he pulled me towards him so I was leaning against him.

"Narcissa, don't," he whispered in response to my continued distress. "I'm fine, really."

Eventually, I managed to pull myself together and moved away from him slightly to look up at him.

"You're so thin," I said.

"Thanks a lot," he said sarcastically. "You look very tired. You've not been sleeping well?"

"I've missed you," I admitted. "But I'm fine, really, don't worry about me."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine." After a pause, I spoke again. "I'm so sorry I haven't been to see you before now. I couldn't get permission to come for ages-"

"It doesn't matter, Narcissa. You're here now. I'm better off than Lestrange, at any rate: at least there was always some chance of you coming to see me."

Rodolphus evidently heard his name, as he tapped on the wall gently. "Narcissa?" He said in a hushed voice.

"Yes?" I whispered back.

Even more quietly, he asked: "How is she?"

"Better than this time last year," I answered, knowing whom he meant.

"Good. Tell her I miss her."

"I will. She misses you, too," I replied.

"Is she-" Rodolphus began.

However, he was interrupted by the guard's voice. "I will presume this is a friend or sister you are talking about, Mr Lestrange, but I would advise you to stop before you say anything more specific that will lead me to guess otherwise. You're lucky it wasn't someone else on duty, or Mrs Malfoy would be in a lot of trouble."

Rodolphus fell silent. I turned back to Lucius.

"How's Draco?" He asked.

"He's fine," I replied, deciding to tell a small lie rather than tell Lucius what was happening when he had no power to help it.

"How were his OWLs?"

"Oh, I'd forgotten you didn't know. He got an Outstanding in Potions, and Exceeds Expectations in most other subjects, except History of Magic."

"What did he get in that?"

"Poor, I think. But what use is History of Magic? And there was a disturbance partway through that exam."

"Was that when Potter had his little dream?" Lucius asked with a sneer.

"Yes."

"I don't suppose there's any chance I could see him?" He asked.

"I don't know. I'll ask at the Ministry. You'd think with all the things you'd done for them over the years that they'd be able to let your wife and son visit you," I said bitterly.

"Well, they're ashamed, aren't they, about trusting me?"

There was a knock on the door. "I was instructed only to give you twenty minutes, and you've had half an hour. You'd better say your goodbyes."

"Take care of yourself, Narcissa," he told me. "I want to see less of these shadows next time." He ran a finger beneath my eye, where the evidence of my restless nights was most noticeable.

"You take care," I replied. "I'll come again as soon as I can, and I'll try to bring Draco."

He kissed me briefly. "See you soon. Don't worry about me, Narcissa. I'll be fine."

I left, and the guard waved his wand at the door again, locking it. As we were walking back along the maze of corridors in silence, I felt I had to speak.

"Thank you," I said. When he looked at me, surprised, I elaborated. "For bending the rules like you did."

"Well, don't let it get around. I don't want to lose my job. I might not for breaking the twenty-minute rule, but I certainly will if they knew I turned a blind eye, or should I say a deaf ear, to your conversation with Mr Lestrange." He spoke in a whisper, as though worried he would be overheard.

"Well, I appreciate it. We all appreciate it."

"Regulations are you can't visit more than once a month. We're supposed to search you, by the way, so don't tell anyone I didn't. You'll have to fill out a form for your son to accompany you next time."

He led me into a small office near to the doors I had come in by. "Here's the form for your son. When will you be visiting again?"

"When will you be on duty next month?" I asked. I didn't like the idea of being searched by any stranger, especially not when they were probably a common Mudblood.

"Does the 17th of February suit you?"

"Is it a weekday?"

"Yes."

"I don't know if I will be able to get Draco out of school."

"I'm not here that Saturday, but the Saturday after I am. Would that be convenient?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Let me know if anything else comes up," he said as he scribbled in a large brown book. "I should warn you, just because I'm on duty I won't necessarily be assigned to escorting you. There's always a large number of guards at any one time, and any of them could end up helping you. Oh, you need your wand."

He flicked his wand at a box, and extracted my own wand.

"Here you are. You may go."

"Will you tell Lucius the date I'll be coming? And if I need to change it? I don't want to leave him wondering…."

"Certainly, Mrs Malfoy. Goodbye for now."

I felt very guilty returning to the comfort and luxury of the Manor, while Lucius was stuck in a cold, draughty cell. I felt so worried about him looking so thin, and so guilty about the contents of my own plate that I scarcely touched a mouthful of my dinner.

It's getting late now, I suppose I should stop writing. Tomorrow, I will have to go and see Bella to deliver Rodolphus' message: she'll be pleased to hear of him, anyway.

Until my next entry,

Narcissa Malfoy

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	10. Chapter 9: Problematic Padfoot

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! And the numerous silent readers.

* * *

Dear Diary, 

I do not know how I am meant to wait for another full month before I can see Lucius again: each day seems like a full month. My only consolation is this diary: the only outlet for all my thoughts, emotions and memories.

Escaping into my past is a great comfort to me, so I will attempt to do so again in this entry by relating a little of what happened to me in my third year.

_As Rabastan had predicted, Rodolphus did join the Death Eaters within the year, to be precise, during August. Before Rabastan told me this, I did notice a difference in his manner when he returned to school. He seemed more serious, joking and laughing less. On our second day back, I met him in the corridor, and he was so deep in thought he looked straight through me without any sign of recognition. Bella was also broody and quiet: very unusual for her, although at first I had no idea why._

_However, on the Saturday evening following our return to Hogwarts, I again found myself seated beside Rabastan in the common room, and he had news to relate that shocked me._

_"Rodolphus took his Mark this summer. Father's very proud of him, and the Dark Lord seems impressed enough with him. I'm so proud to have an older brother like him." Rabastan grinned and glanced over to where Rodolphus was sitting, alone for once as Bellatrix had gone to the library. "Bella didn't join this time, of course the Dark Lord hasn't known her for long enough, but I think she may in the summer."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_He turned to me with a look of surprise. "Didn't you know? Bellatrix went with Rodolphus to his initiation. I was sure she'd have told you."_

_"No, she didn't," I replied. "You said she didn't join?"_

_"No, but I think it won't be long. Apparently, the Dark Lord said she had great potential: Rodolphus was even more pleased with that than he was with what the Dark Lord said about him. He has quite an attachment to your sister. For her part, she wanted to join, I believe. She seems quite impressed-"_

_"Rabastan, please don't speak so loudly. Don't go telling everyone that." Desperate to change the subject, I asked: "Did you see any Quidditch over the summer?" Rabastan was a big Quidditch fan, as most boys were, and he had been successful in gaining a place as Keeper on the Slytherin team last year._

_My question had the desired effect: he immediately launched into a long monologue about Quidditch, giving me the opportunity to think about what he had said. I wondered why Bella hadn't told me: probably trying to protect me, I supposed. I hoped Andy didn't find out: she was so angry when she first found out about the Lestranges' connections to the Dark Lord, that I didn't want to see her reaction to this information. I briefly toyed with the notion of asking Rabastan not to reveal it, but thought better of it. That would only lead to awkward questions about Andy, which could cause problems for her. I certainly did not want that to happen._

_The next day, I walked towards my first lesson of Divination, in North Tower: a route that would take me past Gryffindor tower. I heard voices, and rounded the corner to see Sirius and three other boys all stood in a semi-circle, with Severus Snape at the centre, between them and the wall._

_"How's it going, Snivellus?" Asked the boy standing next to Sirius. He was tall, with messy black hair, brown eyes and glasses. He had a slightly sadistic smile on his face as he stood there with his wand pointing at Severus. Nearest to me, there stood a pale boy, who looked a little ill. His expression betrayed disapproval at the activities of his friends, but he did not intervene. A small boy, looking at the boy who had spoken with an expression of great admiration, stood to Sirius' left._

_"You're going to pay for this," Severus snarled. He stretched out a hand for his wand, but just as his fingers brushed it Sirius flicked his own and it went sailing another two metres across the ground._

_"Stop it!" I cried._

_Five faces turned towards me. Sirius looked livid._

_"Leave us alone, Cissy, or I might have to hex you," he snapped._

_"What are you doing?"_

_"Teaching Snivellus here a lesson," said the boy with black hair. "You have a problem with that?"_

_"Y-yes," I said feebly._

_The small boy giggled. "Oh really?"_

_"Narcissa, just get going!"_

_"What are you doing?" I repeated. "Bella warned you not to forget-"_

_"I don't give a damn what Bellatrix told me to do! And I don't care what you think, either. Besides, she's one to talk.."_

_"Who are these people?" I demanded._

_He sighed. "James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew."_

_The Potters weren't too bad to be associating with, but judging by this boy's behaviour towards Severus I was sure Bella wouldn't agree. And the other two, although thankfully not Mudbloods, were not respectable wizarding families either._

_"Just leave Severus alone!"_

_"Mind your own business!"_

_"I'll tell Bella!"_

_"Do we look like we care, Cissy?"_

_I was livid. After a few seconds, I decided to try a different tactic. "I'll tell Andy you've been bullying people, Sirius."_

_He looked a little abashed. "Fine, we'll let him off this once."_

_After they left, I hurried over to Severus._

_"Are you alright?" I asked, helping him to pick up his fallen possessions._

_"Strange that Black's more scared of Andromeda than Bellatrix," he murmured._

_"Andy would be ashamed of him, and he couldn't bear that. Although it may not seem that way to you at the moment, he does have somewhat of a conscience." After a pause, I added: "I think I will still tell her, though. If anyone can put a stop to this it's Andy."_

_"You'll be late for your class, Narcissa. Thanks for your help, but I'll manage on my own now."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"Of course. Go on."_

_I got up and walked towards Divination, feeling extremely uneasy. I hoped we'd learn how to tell the future soon: at that moment I would have given a lot to know Sirius'._

_When I arrived in the Common Room that evening, I went to sit near Andy. After a while, Isabel and Patricia got up to go and fetch something from the dormitory, so I took the opportunity to speak, making Andy jump a little._

_"I think you need to talk to Sirius," I said._

_"Why?" A puzzled frown. "Has he done something wrong?"_

_"He was bullying Severus. With three others: two of them weren't even respectable families-"_

_Her frown deepened. "He's had that circle of friends from early on in first year, Cissy. Didn't you notice?"_

_"Well… no…." I realised how little I had seen Sirius at school. Part of it could be put down to him being in a different house, of course, but I still felt it was very strange I should have seen so little of him. Of course, later I worked out the reason: he'd been avoiding me._

_"They've always been getting up to jokes and tricks, but bullying… what exactly did he do?" Andy's concern made me almost wish I hadn't told her: I didn't want to worry her._

_"They'd cornered him without a wand, and they were calling him names. Sirius wouldn't let him get his wand back. I don't know what else… that's all I saw. Sirius wouldn't listen to me, but I thought you might-"_

_"I'll talk to him," Andy replied, looking troubled._

_"Thank you."_

_"That makes two I need to talk to," she murmured, more to herself than to me._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Nothing," she said, looking so terrified at her mistake that I knew there was something the matter._

_"What is it?"_

_"Nothing!" She repeated with more force._

_"But-"_

_"Mind your own business!"_

_It wasn't often Andy snapped at me: in fact it was almost never, so I decided not to pursue the subject any further. When Andy raised her voice, I always knew for definite that there was a good reason._

I would learn later that Andromeda's fears were well founded. The other person she had to talk to, which I considered for a moment at the time but then dismissed (childishly believing that, as I hadn't told Andy Rabastan's news, she wouldn't have found out), was of course Bella. I learned later that she took the Dark Mark the summer between my third and fourth year: immediately after her seventh.

Thinking of Bella's decision pains me more than I can express: I do not believe I can write anymore.

Until my next entry,

Narcissa Malfoy.

* * *

**Please remember to review :)**


	11. Chapter 10: Bella's Again

**Author Note: **Thanks to all of you who reviewed last time and all the silent readers. Happy 2008, and hope you enjoy the chapter!

Dear Diary,

I had to visit the Ministry today, to complete the form for Draco to come and see Lucius. As with mine, it was excessively complicated, and required a photograph, proof of identity and the signatures of the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and either the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister or the Minister himself. That's why it took me so long to be able to go and visit Lucius; gaining those signatures took forever, as I kept being refused. It's extremely ungrateful, after all Lucius did for them.

Anyway, before I went to the Ministry, I went to visit Bella. I seemed to be doing an awful lot of visiting her lately, which was not at all to my liking, but I had to give her Rodolphus' message.

"Well, this is a surprise," she said when I arrived. "What is it this time?"

"I went to visit Lucius," I began.

"Don't tell me you told him about Draco! Cissy, you really are-"

"Of course I didn't tell him about Draco! I didn't want him to worry. This isn't about Draco."

"You're not a member of the Order under Polyjuice, are you?"

"No. But I'd say that if I were. Why would the Order send just one person disguised as me if they knew where you were? They'd get a band of Aurors and storm the place."

"Yes, but you coming here for something that isn't about Draco is quite a novelty."

"It's Rodolphus."

"Oh, him," she said indifferently.

"As I said, I was visiting Lucius, and he was in the cell next door. He gave me a message for you: he says-"

"He did what?"

"Bella-"

"Someone could have heard! He put you in serious danger, and went against the Dark Lord's wishes: the Dark Lord said not to make any communication-"

"Bella!"

She stopped.

"Don't you want to hear what he risked all that to say?"

"I expect something silly and soppy and completely pointless."

I ignored her. "He said he misses you."

"What a surprise," she said sarcastically.

"Don't you want to send any message back?"

"No! Didn't you hear what I said earlier?"

"He's your husband."

"So?"

I was furious, yet I wanted to cry at the same time. It wasn't really Bella I was angry with: on the contrary, it was Bella, the real Bella, I was angry for. Yet she was the only outlet for my anger, unless I was foolish enough to go and shout at the Dark Lord himself. "He loves you!" I screamed at her. "And I love you! You loved us, too, before-"

"I still care about you, Cissy. But I beg to differ about Rodolphus, I-"

"You did! I know you did. Bella, how can you carry on like this? He's destroying you! He's already destroyed you-"

"Are you still talking about Rodolphus?" She asked coldly.

"You know who I'm talking about. Bella, he toys with you. He enjoys being as cruel as he likes and knowing you'll always come crawling back! You know he doesn't-"

"How dare you!" She screamed. "How dare you! Get out! Get out!"

Her maddened fury terrified me, and I wasted no time in obeying, running for the door. Something hit the wall, whizzing just past my head, and then I saw her pull out her wand, but I reached the exit in time and swiftly returned to the secret room in the Manor, where I lay panting and gasping in shock and terror. Soon my gasps turned to tears, and I lay there for a long time.

Eventually, I managed to force myself to get up, tidy myself up and leave for the Ministry.

When I arrived, I gained the signature of the Head of Magical Law Enforcement without too much ado, and then proceeded to the upper floor in the hope of finding the Minister, Rufus Scrimgeour, present. I knew gaining his signature would take rather more time.

However, I quickly learnt that he was busy, and would not be signing any forms, so instead I was forced to choose the only available alternative: the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister, Dolores Umbridge. Believe me, I most certainly would not be going to her if she wasn't the only available alternative. True, previously she had always acted respectfully towards Lucius and I, but as the new Minister, Scrimgeour, was against the Death Eaters, and now Lucius had been arrested, I was sure she would have changed her ideas.

With a sinking feeling, I knocked on the office door bearing the plaque: "Senior Undersecretary to the Minister".

"Come in," came a high-pitched, girlish voice.

I turned the door handle and entered, summoning all the regal bearing and haughty manner my education as a Black had endowed me with.

"Mrs Malfoy," she said with a giggle. I did not understand what was funny, but she giggled as a matter of course. "What may I do for you?"

"I require your signature for my son to visit his father," I said, placing the form on her desk.

"Well," she said, "it appears we have a problem."

"And why is that?"

"Well, I'm afraid that the Ministry deems it prudent to restrict access to Death Eaters in Azkaban. As I am sure you understand, it is a large security risk."

"To let a sixteen year old boy see his father?"

"I shall have to discuss this with the Minister, I am afraid. Come back tomorrow."

I nodded shortly, and took the form back from her desk.

"I will need to keep that," she said, in an even higher-pitched voice: a sure danger sign.

"If you wish," I replied as icily as I could. "Good day," I said as I walked out of the door, in a tone that clearly meant 'as bad a day as possible'.

After Dolores Umbridge, even Bella seems sweet and cuddly by comparison. I have been re-reading this diary, after writing the above, and reading the memories of Bella has made me feel guilty for what happened this morning more quickly than perhaps I would have otherwise. The idea frightens me, I will not pretend it doesn't, but I will have to go back and make what amends I can. It was low of me to say what I said (or almost said, in fact); the truth about the Dark Lord's feelings, or rather lack of them, is something she cannot bear to hear. She deludes herself constantly, and that truth hurts more than anything for her.

Well, I went.

When I arrived, I went from room to room calling for her. I was afraid when I found no answer: what if the Ministry had found her, or the Dark Lord had sent for her and she'd gone on some mission she wouldn't return from?

But I eventually found her, facedown on a bed in an upstairs room. She was a mess.

"Bella?" I said cautiously. I trod slowly across the room to stand behind her. She didn't stir a muscle.

"Bella? Bella, I'm sorry. Bella? Talk to me, please." I reached to touch her back, and then suddenly she jerked upwards. If she looked a mess before, what she looked like now was indescribable.

"Don't touch me," she hissed, her eyes slits, her teeth bared.

"Bella, please." Silence. "I'm really, really sorry." Still silence. "Look at the state you're in. Let me help you, please."

"I don't require your help."

"Bella-"

"Leave me alone."

"I'm sorry!"

"Leave me alone."

"I can't leave you like this."

Finally, she looked at me. "There's nothing you can do, Cissy. Look after Lucius and your son. There's nothing more you can do for me."

"At least let me stay with you." This time, when I sat beside her and touched her, she didn't react. I put my arms around her: still nothing, either good or bad. She was absolutely still, as though she didn't even know I was there. She didn't cry, didn't move, barely breathed. I cried for both of us.

I fear now that I have finally lost what little was left of my sister.

**Please remember to review.**


	12. Chapter 11: The Wedding

**Author's Note:** Okay, this is a very long chapter that seemed to take forever to write. Please let me know what you think for this one, as I have a sense it could be improved (well, they all can, but more than the others) but can't quite put my finger as to how, so please let me know (or reassure me that it's OK).

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. This is quite a big Bella chapter, and you may be a bit fed up of her with the last one being like that too, but the couple of chapters after this one won't feature her too much: certainly the next one won't.

Anyway, enjoy!

Dear Diary,

_One morning in the summer between my third and fourth year, I wandered, yawning, into the dining room for breakfast and found, to my surprise, an atmosphere of unmistakable tension. Both my elder sisters were there. Bella was sitting lazily at the table, while Andy paced up and down._

"_What's the matter?"_

"_What do you think?" Andy snapped. She immediately looked apologetic. "Sorry, Cissy. I'm just nervous. Our exam results come today."_

"_Oh, of course." Quietly, I sat down and took in the unusual sight of Andy looking more wound up than Bella._

"_Relax," Bella said. "It's not like they really matter. Not to us, anyway."_

"_Of course they matter!"_

"_Why? It's not like you'll need to get a job," Bella countered, in the haughty tone she always used when describing mundane things for lesser beings. Such as jobs._

"_I need to be able to do magic."_

"_But you can do magic," I interjected, puzzled._

"_Precisely."_

"_Be quiet, Bella!" Andy snapped again._

_The door opened, and Andy's head turned so fast I thought she must have strained her neck. A house-elf came in, bearing several letters on a tray, three of which bore the Hogwarts crest._

"_Miss Bella and Miss Andy, Freacher has your examination results here. My Mistress says please do not open them yet; she and my Master will be down shortly. Miss Cissy, I have your Hogwarts letter here also."_

_Bella lazily took the envelope and set it down by her side, while Andy held it gingerly as though it might contain a dragon._

_When Mother and Father finally entered, Andy was actually shaking. Once they had sat down, Mother spoke._

"_Open it then, Bellatrix."_

"_I think Andy should go first, Father, before she dies of nerves."_

_Andy stared at the envelope, and opened it with trembling fingers. She scanned it quickly: then again, and her face broke into a huge, relieved smile._

"_Well?" Mother asked._

_Andromeda passed her the paper, blushing slightly but still with a huge smile on her face._

_Mother glanced up and down the column of grades. "Yes, those are satisfactory. Well done, Andromeda," she said coldly._

_Andy's face fell a little._

"_Good girl," Father added, also disinterestedly._

"_Let me see," Bella said. She grabbed the paper out of Father's hand._

"_Don't be so unladylike," Mother said, but without much conviction. Bella ignored her._

"_This is brilliant, Andy!" She exclaimed, beaming. She pulled Andy into a hug. "Fantastic!"_

_Andy's smile reappeared. "I suppose I was lucky," she said modestly._

"_What did you get?" I asked curiously. Bella passed the paper to me._

_Andromeda achieved all Outstanding except for Herbology and Defence Against the Dark Arts, where she gained an Exceeds Expectations, History of Magic, where she gained an Acceptable, and Divination, another Acceptable._

"_Didn't I tell you there was nothing to worry about?" Bella said._

"_Are you going to open your own, Bellatrix?" Mother said, looking disapprovingly at Andromeda as though Bella's delay had been her decision._

_Bella did, and in all her subjects: Defence Against the Dark Arts, Transfiguration, Charms, Potions and Herbology, she gained Outstandings. Mother went into raptures over this, while Father said another quiet: "Excellent, Bellatrix," and began breakfast. Andy and I both hugged Bella, and then each other. _

_I wasn't entirely euphoric, however. Knowing that I would be doing my own OWLs the year after next gave their success a negative side, as it was a lot to live up to._

_It felt strange that year, going on the Hogwarts Express without Bella. I expected that Andy and I would cling together, but instead she politely excused herself from the rest of the Slytherins, and went off with Isabelle Clarke and Patricia Parkinson. Eleanor Nott declined going with her friends, staying with the rest of us._

_I thought Andy's disappearance odd. Although she didn't exactly like to be the centre of attention like Bella, she was reasonably social and it seemed very unlike her to do something like this._

_During the first week back, I ended up attending a party organised by Professor Slughorn. I didn't particularly like the "Slug Club", as he named it: he had quite a cheek to be so blatant about making up to well-connected people. However, it was sometimes a good opportunity to get to know students from other years, or from Ravenclaw house, so I attended. Besides, I couldn't think of a good excuse when Slughorn asked me._

_So I arrived, feeling a little irritated as I could think of better ways to spend the evening. Well, actually, with Bella absent and Andy so often so, I couldn't, but I still found Slughorn's parties were often either dull or annoying, depending on who else was present that Slughorn thought worth impressing, and therefore how much time he spent talking to me._

_I ended up standing alone, sipping at some juice( Slughorn allowed the sixth and seventh years wine, but couldn't give it to someone as young as I was at the time), and feeling decidedly bored, when the sound of my name made me jump in a rather unladylike manner._

"_Miss Black," came a smoothly drawling voice to my left. "What a pleasant surprise."_

_I turned around to find Lucius Malfoy. "Please, call me Narcissa," I replied._

_He smiled. "Drinking orange juice? Not really good enough for a Black lady, surely?"_

"_I'm not supposed to have the wine," I replied._

"_Would you like some? I'll get you a glass."_

"_No, really, I-"_

"_White?"_

"_Please," I murmured, relenting._

"_So, how are you?" He asked, when he had returned with the glasses._

"_Fine, thank you," I replied. "I do find Slughorn's parties a little dull."_

"_Yes, I also. The company, however, is much improved today."_

_I blushed. He smirked, but not unkindly. Taking a sip of wine, I attempted to cover the sudden awkwardness that descended on me._

"_You're in fifth year now, aren't you?" He asked._

_I shook my head. "Close. I'm in fourth."_

"_Ah," he said. "Forgive me, Narcissa. You look older than you are."_

_I wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment. "Is that a bad thing?"_

"_No, not at all. Rather the opposite, in fact: for someone of your age, anyway."_

"_Oh," I replied, not sure what else to say._

_He smirked again. "Are you always this shy?"_

"_Sorry," I mumbled._

"_It's not an insult, Narcissa," he said with a frown. "Please don't take it that way."_

"_Sorry," I said again._

"_Believe me, Narcissa, you don't have anything to apologise for."_

_I blushed again, feeling suddenly extremely uncomfortable. Something in his tone troubled me, although I wasn't sure what it was._

"_I'd, er, better be going," I said, putting my glass down. "It was nice to talk to you again, Mr Malfoy… thank you for the wine."_

_He looked disappointed. "Must you go now? It's very early to be leaving, Narcissa…"_

"_I'm tired," I lied._

"_Let me walk you back to the common room."_

"_You really, er, don't have to..,"_

"_I don't mind," he said, stepping towards the door. "And it's Lucius, by the way."_

"_Pardon?"_

"_Lucius. Not Mr Malfoy."_

"_Sorry."_

"_And don't say sorry so much."_

"_I apologise," I replied obediently._

_His mouth twitched upwards involuntarily. _

_Most of the walk is not worth reporting, but something happened on my way back to the common room. I was chattering animatedly: I cannot remember what about now, some silly story about something that had happened over the summer, when Andy suddenly appeared from a corridor to our left, and I stopped talking in surprise, taking in her unusual appearance._

_She looked dishevelled: her hair was a mess, her eyes were red and her makeup had run. She was biting her lip and her expression was vague, distracted._

"_Are you alright, Andy?" I asked in concern._

"_Cissy?" She said, seeming to notice me for the first time. "I- what are you doing out here so late?"_

"_We've just been at Slughorn's party," Lucius informed her. "Have you been crying, Andromeda?" He frowned. "Why?"_

"_No- no I haven't!" She snapped. Unlike Bella, Andy was rarely angry, and I had never seen her raise her voice over such little provocation. It made me uneasy._

"_Are you coming to the Common Room, Andy?" I asked._

_She nodded vaguely and began to walk along with us. I kept stealing looks at her, worried at how disquieted she looked: but I did not want to say anything in front of Lucius. _

_We returned to the Common Room, and Lucius bade us goodnight, heading for the boys' dormitories._

"_What's wrong, Andy?" I asked when he was out of earshot._

"_Nothing, why?" She replied._

"_Something seems to be."_

"_It's nothing, Cissy," she repeated, unconvincingly. "I'm going to bed. Goodnight."_

"_Goodnight," I murmured, deciding it would be useless to pursue the subject. Unwilling to go to bed myself with so much to puzzle over, I sank down into an armchair._

_It was a few minutes before I noticed Andy's cloak draped over the back. I lifted it up to return it to her, when I saw a piece of paper peeking out from a pocket._

_I glanced over my shoulder, knowing that to read letters intended for another was wrong, but unable to restrain my curiosity. 'It'll be worth it if I find out what's wrong,' I justified to myself, and unfolded it._

_I recognised the writing instantly. The letter was unusually brief, even for Bella._

_Dear Andy,_

_I need to talk to you. Do not feel you have to come, though: it will not be very pleasant. I'm sorry to worry you, but I cannot say more here. Meet me in the Hog's Head at 2 on your next Hogsmeade weekend if it is convenient to you: please send word if it is not._

_I hope school is going well for you. Give my love to Cissy._

_Love,_

_Bella._

_I thought this must be what had so worried Andy: I could not think of anything else, but I could not see anything there that would make her cry. Then I remembered we'd had a Hogsmeade weekend just last week, and looked at the date on the letter. Sure enough, the letter was dated before then: Andy must already have seen her._

_I suddenly felt ill. Andy didn't get so upset over trifling matters, and I did not dare to think what it was that could have upset her so much._

_Andy never told me. While I tried to probe her for the information, my many attempts were almost all unsuccessful. She was never one to tell other people's secrets, but neither was she particularly adept at lying._

_The term dragged on in the usual way of Hogwarts: classes, chatting in the Common Room, Quidditch matches. Soon it was time for us to return for Christmas. I expected to be barely through the door before being assaulted by Bella, but as I passed further into the house I began to feel puzzled that there was no sign of her._

"_Where's Bella?" I asked my Aunt Walburga, forgetting for a moment her dislike of young people asking questions. We were staying at Grimmauld Place, our uncle's house, over Christmas: it was an experience none of us much liked except for the consolation of spending time with Sirius and Reg: and even that was now not as it used to be, after Sirius' sorting._

_Aunt Walburga gave me a disapproving look. "She is out."_

_I bit back the "Where?" and "Why?" forming in my mind, and instead puzzled on them in silence. It seemed so unlike Bella not to be there. I glanced towards Andy, but she avoided my gaze, looking troubled. _

_Bella didn't return until hours later. I leapt from my bed as I saw my door opening, dropping the book I had been reading. Andy also set her book aside, but despite my excitement I noticed the grim look on her face. Bella was glowing: I could not think of any other description. There was an almost electric atmosphere around her, and I knew wherever she'd been, she'd been doing magic. Powerful magic._

"_Cissy!" She exclaimed, bounding over to hug me. "I've missed you."_

_The cynical part of me wanted to ask: "then why weren't you here?" but I couldn't make an argument, not after having not seen her for so long. _

_She turned to Andy and smiled, rather detachedly I thought. _

"_How are you?" Andy asked in response, her face serious._

"_I'm fine, Andy." The loss of Bella's smile rather contrasted with this statement. "I'd better get changed," she said, indicating the long, dark robes she was wearing._

"_Where-" I began, but she had already left the room._

_That wasn't the only time that Christmas when Bella was absent. She disappeared regularly, and I frequently caught Andy staring into space during those periods. They seemed to have sorted out whatever had made them so cold towards each other, and seemingly to make up for it spent more time together than normal. Yet still I noticed Andy's worried gazes towards Bella, Bella's guilty glances at Andy, when the other wasn't looking._

_On New Year's Eve, we had a dinner party: all those pureblood families we considered worthy of our acquaintance making up the guests. We were all permitted to attend, even Regulus, which I found extremely surprising as he was just twelve years old. _

_I will skip the general banter that goes on at these kind of events. After we had eaten, Rodolphus Lestrange stood. He'd eaten and spoken little during the meal, and I understood why as he went to kneel beside Bella's chair. _

_He'd probably prepared an elaborate speech. It would have been expected, but in the end his nerves, and the concentrated, silent gaze of the entire table, won him over, and what he said was much shorter._

"_Bella… Bellatrix Black, will you marry me?" _

_Bella's eyes flickered around the room. She hesitated, a little longer than was proper, seemingly considering._

"_Yes," she replied emotionlessly._

_He smiled as he slid a ring onto her finger, while she watched it slip onto her hand with glazed, blank eyes. His smile faltered for a second, but then the sudden sound of applause from the table shocked him back to reality. Congratulations on the suitability of the match, the fine pureblood children it would produce, began to flow in from all sides. My parents and the Lestranges sat there smugly, savouring the attention: of course, it had all been planned, to avoid any embarrassment. Rodolphus was grinning as he resumed his seat, but the sideways glances he kept shooting at Bella made his smile fade._

_At the end of the evening Andy and I went upstairs, but were stopped as soon as we were out of earshot of the general party._

"_Andromeda?" Rodolphus was frowning. "Would I be able to talk to you for a minute?"_

"_Of course," she said, a little reluctantly. "Cissy, go up, I'll be there in a minute."_

"_I want to stay," I protested, but her glare made me relent. Nodding to Rodolphus, I made my way up the stairs, until there was a convenient corner to hide behind. I knew I shouldn't eavesdrop, that it was not fair on Rodolphus, but I thought this might prompt Andy to reveal what I had tried and failed to get out of her, so I decided I had to hear._

"_I hope you had a nice evening?" He began._

_Andromeda did not even bother to respond to that. "Don't worry about being polite, Rodolphus. There's nothing normal or proper about this whole situation."_

_He needed no further invitation. "What's wrong with Bella? Did I do something to upset her? I don't want to ask her myself, she might be-"_

"_I know," Andromeda said gently, cutting off his rushed speech. Then she hesitated. "I don't really know what to say. I think it would be better for both of you if you stopped taking Bella with you."_

"_With me where?"_

"_You know what I mean."_

_He sighed. "Is this really the time? I know you don't agree, but that's not what I came to talk to you about-"_

"_Trust me, it's entirely relevant."_

"_I can't stop Bella going. She wants to. She enjoys it. But what's that got to do with-"_

"_You don't want to know. Just stop taking her. Stop going yourself."_

"_It's not that easy!" He exclaimed. "Look, Andy, I want to know what I did to upset her, and you know her better than anyone. I know it wasn't the most eloquent proposal in the world-"_

"_That wouldn't bother Bella. Look, only she can tell you what's wrong: but I'd be amazed if you could get her to. I'm really, really sorry."_

_He sighed again, seeming to accept defeat. "It's not your fault." He paused. "Well, I suppose this is goodnight, then."_

_I moved away. I knew Andy would be frighteningly angry if she found me eavesdropping, so I hurried the rest of the way to my room. Bella was already there._

"_Cissy," she greeted me, sounding tired._

_I smiled back to her in greeting, but it fell from my face immediately as I turned away. Biting my lip in anxiety, I struggled to decide whether to mention the evening's events or not. Eventually, my curiosity won out over my caution and I spoke._

"_What's the matter, Bella?"_

_She feigned puzzlement. "What do you mean?"_

_I hesitated. "You… it's just… Rodolphus proposed."_

"_Really? I didn't notice." She said sarcastically._

"_I… I just thought you'd be happier, that's all."_

_She shrugged. "Don't worry, Cissy, I'm fine."_

_That wasn't really the answer I wanted to hear, but before I could even begin to debate whether to speak or not, the door swung open, revealing Andy. She glanced at me, then at Bella._

"_Congratulations," she said blankly._

"_Thank you." Bella's tone was even flatter than Andy's._

_I did not sleep well that night. It was clear something was wrong with Bella, and Andy knew what it was, yet no-one else seemed to be noticing that. I couldn't understand Bella's lack of enthusiasm about her marriage, which only seemed to worsen over the following days. Rodolphus was handsome, reasonably smart, pureblooded of course, and suited her in almost every way. And I had thought she loved him: so what could be upsetting her? With so many unpleasant thoughts cluttering my mind, and a reminder of them round every corner, it was a relief to return to the removed bustle of Hogwarts._

_It didn't seem to last long, however, before we were returning for the summer, and the date of Bella's wedding, August 1st, drew nearer. Stress was running incredibly high. Bellatrix had many arguments with father, and even mother, about things like her wedding robes, and particularly her guest list._

"_Alright," Bella capitulated to father one afternoon after a particularly intense bout of argument. "I'll wear that silly white dress. I don't see why-"_

"_Bellatrix, if you wear another colour, people will talk. You can't-"_

"_And what was the other issue you wished to speak to me about?"_

_He sighed. "I do not feel it is entirely appropriate to invite that friend of Rodolphus' parents, Mr Riddle. It is strange, Bellatrix, that they will allow him to be left off the guest list, but you will not. I was given the impression by Mr Lestrange that Mr Riddle would rather not attend, otherwise it would be-."_

"_What do you mean? That's a lie! Of course he would want to come, he-"_

"_Bellatrix!" Father exclaimed in surprise. "Control yourself!" After a pause, he began again. "If he did wish for an invite, the Lestranges have told me that on no account can one not be issued, but I have it on good authority he does not. He does not enjoy social occasions, from what I have seen, and social occasions seem not to agree with him either."_

"_I don't care what I wear, father, but I cannot allow you to make that change," Bella replied in a definite tone. "If you knew who he was, you would not dare leave him uninvited."_

"_Watch your tone, young lady," Father replied, but without much conviction. "Very well, I will invite him if you wish it."_

"_I'd like to write that invite myself," Bellatrix replied._

"_Why in the name of Salazar Slytherin would you want to do that?"_

"_I shall write it immediately," she replied, and strode away without another word._

"_Bellatrix! Get back here this instant!"_

_I was shocked that Bella ignored Father's call. She'd never been the most respectful daughter, but even for Bella that was a lot of nerve, and I wondered why she was so insistent about a particular guest. Then I remembered where I had heard the name Riddle before, and gasped. Surely it must be someone else… yet the way father and Bella had spoken about him, it seemed to fit._

_Consequently, it was with a certain sense of apprehension that I and, I sensed, Andy, got up on the morning of Bella's wedding. We were both bridesmaids, and I awoke expecting to find the beautifully-detailed, expensive white bridesmaid dress hanging where I'd left it. However, when I discovered it, it was a black dress in the same style that met my eyes._

_Andromeda came storming into my room, brandishing her own (also black) dress. "Have you seen this?" She exclaimed._

"_Yes," I replied. "How-?"_

"_Bella, of course," Andromeda replied. "Father will be livid if the three of us turn up in black. Come on," she finished, grabbing me by the arm and leading me into Bella's room. To my absolute shock, Bella was still in bed._

"_What in Merlin's name are you doing?" Andromeda exclaimed as she shook her awake. "The wedding's in less than two hours."_

"_I-is it?" Bella yawned. "I must have overslept." She rubbed her eyes._

"_Why are our dresses black?" I asked._

"_White doesn't suit me. It is my wedding," she replied as she clambered out of bed._

_Andromeda sighed. "Father's going to go mad," she said. "At us as well."_

"_Blame me," Bella replied. "I don't see why father should tell me what to wear."_

_After a minute's pause, Andromeda exclaimed: "Bella! You haven't just changed the colour of your dress."_

"_No." She replied. "I've adjusted the style, too, as you've so observantly noticed. Look, it's my business. I didn't change more than I could help with yours, but the colours had to match."_

_The next couple of hours were a desperate rush to get Bella and ourselves ready. I moaned as I put on my bridesmaids' robes. "I look terrible in black," I exclaimed as Andy came into my room._

_Andy sighed. "It's Bella's wedding. I suppose we should stick to her colour scheme."_

"_It's easy for you to say. It looks better on you."_

"_Narcissa, stop it. We've not got much time, let's go and help Bella dress."_

_It turned out Andy's anxiety was unnecessary, as when we arrived Bellatrix was already wearing her wedding robes. The differences in style she had mentioned were immediately obvious when I saw the dress on her. The neckline was lower, and some of the fussy lace that had adorned the previous garment had disappeared. However, I had to admit she looked much better than when she had tried on the original robes._

_Andromeda decided not to comment, glancing at the clock instead._

"_Oh no, look at the time! Bella, we have to go, everyone will be waiting…"_

"_Alright, alright!" Bellatrix exclaimed, checking her hair in the mirror. "Just call it fashionably late."_

_We descended the stairs, into a small room where a couple of house-elves stood waiting, anxiously craning their necks to see up the stairs._

"_Oh good, you're ready, Miss Bella," Freacher squeaked. "I will go and inform Master and Mistress." She started to leave, then turned back, frowning. "I thought Miss Bella would be wearing a white dress?"_

"_I decided it didn't suit me. Go on."_

_Freacher turned and hurried out of the room. Andy and I fussed with Bella's clothes, Bella's hair, Bella's makeup, as well as making last-minute touches to our own. She laughed._

"_Honestly, you're more nervous than I am," she said. "Relax."_

_In a few minutes, Freacher returned. "You may come through now, misses," she said._

_The door opened and we paraded through into the transformed dining hall. Expensive, imported flowers, gold and sliver items and other decorations hung everywhere. The guests were ranged in rows either side of an aisle covered by a deep, soft velvet carpet of shimmering white. Father was waiting at one end of this, behind the last row of guests. His eyebrows rose nearly into his hair as he noticed the changed dresses, but he could not make any comment in public: and of course, after today Bella would no longer have to obey him, in theory anyway. Therefore, I imagined Andy and I would take the brunt of his anger._

_Rodolphus and his best man, Rabastan, were waiting at the other end of the aisle. Rodolphus also looked surprised at Bella's appearance, but then he smiled. He clearly, unlike father, approved._

_We reached him, and Father placed Bella's hand into Rodolphus' and withdrew. Rodolphus took her hand tenderly, with an almost reverent gentleness: he seemed to think she was made of fine china and could break at any minute. They ascended the steps onto a small podium, lavishly decorated. _

_A small, tufty-haired wizard, the same one that seemed to do all weddings, funerals and christenings (I wondered how he managed it) cleared his throat._

"_Ladies and gentlemen," he began. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two faithful souls…"_

_I glanced around the room. My mother and Mr and Mrs Lestrange sat at the front, along with Aunt Walburga, Uncle Orion, Sirius and Regulus. Mother was staring at Bella in a kind of miserable fascination: of course, she let no tears fall but it was clear she was loath to part from her eldest daughter. Mr and Mrs Lestrange were eyeing Bella's dress disapprovingly, and occasionally turned around to glance at our own attire, muttering to each other. Sirius turned round and grinned at Andromeda, earning him a sharp nudge and reproving glare from Aunt Walburga. I certainly didn't envy him: Aunt Walburga terrified me. But Sirius, being Sirius, ignored this warning and, in the space of half a minute, turned around again. My Aunt looked livid: Sirius was sure to be subjected to a tirade of verbal abuse, yet he didn't look all that worried. _

"…_then I declare you bonded for life."_

_I was shocked out of my distraction by the closing words of the wedding ceremony, and looked back to my sister in time to see Rodolphus crash his lips onto hers, almost before the man had finished speaking. The wizard raised his wand high, sending a shower of silver stars shooting into the air above Bella and Rodolphus._

_When Bella and Rodolphus broke apart, a little later than was strictly correct, he announced: "Ladies and gentlemen, if you would move through the door to your left," he indicated the door that led through into the ballroom. Everyone stood, and Bella and Rodolphus, followed by Rabastan, Andy and I, led the way into the ballroom._

_The wide dance floor was surrounded on two sides with chairs and tables, decorated with white cloths with what I knew were real silver and gold threads forming the embroidery on them. A particularly large table was raised on a dais to hold the newly-weds, their families, and a few select guests of honour. At the far end there was an extensive orchestra, a few strains of tuning instruments adding to the tap-tap of witches' high heels as we moved into the room. To the right of the double doors by which we entered there were several trestle tables carrying drinks and snacks: the main food would be served at the tables by both our and the Lestranges' house-elves, supplemented by wizarding waiters. A house elf stood at the left hand side of the door._

"_Congratulations Miss Bella and Master Rodolphus," it squeaked. "If Masters and Misses would all proceed to a table, dinner will be served shortly."_

_We headed to the raised table. There were cards with names written on them to indicate the seating plan. I automatically headed, along with Andy, to the seat on Bellatrix's left, certain one of us would be sitting there. However, by the time we arrived, a man I did not recognise was settling into the seat. He looked strange: although he was certainly a handsome man, he looked very pale, and somehow he just made me uneasy._

"_Oh no," Andromeda murmured, very quietly. I noticed her name was sitting at the place next to this stranger, and my own was to her left. Rabastan sat to Rodolphus' right: I did not see why Andromeda or I did not sit next to Bellatrix, but I knew mother would have a fit if I even looked like it was unusual, so I sat down, puzzled and a little hurt. I attempted to subtly lean over and read the name sitting before the man. It was written in Bella's writing, as was my own name (although I was sure this was a special favour bestowed on only a few people), and said simply: "my Lord"._

_I was shocked, so much so I let out a small gasp. Andromeda swiftly turned towards me, silencing me with a glance, but she was too late. Slowly, the man himself turned towards me, and I had to fight hard to suppress a second gasp. His eyes were tinged with red, very unnaturally, yet it was their expression that really terrified me._

"_Miss Narcissa Black." His voice was like ice. "Does something ail you?"_

_The courtesy of his address was a stark contrast to his tone, his expression and simply the… feeling… around him._

"_I am fine, thank you Sir," I managed. I looked up to find Bella looking at me in a way she had never done before. I shuddered, realising something was very, very wrong. I shared a glance with Andy, and the same terror lit her eyes. The dinner was delicious, but I barely touched a bite._

"_Are you sure you're well, Miss Black?" _

_The voice made me jump slightly, and I looked up to meet Lucius Malfoy's eyes._

"_Quite well, thank you," I said with a smile. While the… thing… sitting beside Andromeda had asked a similar question, the difference in tone between him and Lucius could not possibly be greater.._

"_Really?" He raised an eyebrow. "You haven't eaten much."_

"_Well, you know Narcissa has to keep her figure," Andromeda said jokingly, before I could answer._

_Lucius was prevented from replying by the opening strain of a dance tune from the band. Rodolphus stood and offered his hand to Bellatrix, leading her down from the dais and onto the dance floor._

"_Can I interest you in a dance?" Lucius asked._

"_Of course," I replied._

_We went to stand beside Bellatrix and Rodolphus as the rest of the floor filled. However, my happy anticipation of dancing was ruined when I saw a very reluctant Andromeda being led to join us by… him. What made my uneasiness even worse was the way Bella's gaze instantly shifted from Rodolphus to stare openly at him._

"_This is indeed an honour, my Lord," she murmured as he joined us: Lucius moved to the side, allowing him to stand next to Rodolphus. _

_He did not deign to reply, simply held up a hand in acknowledgement and a request for silence. She continued watching him, but without uttering another word. Before I could wonder further on this strange phenomenon, my attention was called back to Lucius as the dance began._

_He was certainly an excellent dancer: I felt a little awkward beside him, yet he seemed to notice nothing particularly wrong, so I soon began to relax. I thought it odd that he conversed very little: from what I'd known of him, he was as far from shy as possible. I thought perhaps he simply did not like to talk while dancing._

_It was not long before there was a change in partners: after just one dance with her new husband, Bellatrix approached the man next to him._

"_Perhaps a dance, my Lord?" She asked. It was very strange: I'd never seen Bella look fawningly at anyone before. Not even at Rodolphus._

"_If you must, Bella," he replied, with the casual air of indulging a child. From anyone else, Bella would have found it insulting, yet her smile only widened._

"_Thank you," she replied softly._

_I saw Rodolphus stiffen. Andromeda strained to catch his eye, and when she did made a minute indication towards herself. He smiled gratefully and moved over to offer her his hand, with a backward glance at Bellatrix. I stood still, surprised and a little unsure._

_Lucius cleared his throat to gain my attention. "Just because others seem to be changing partners I don't see why we should: another dance, Miss Black?"_

"_Certainly," I replied._

_After another two dances, Bella withdrew, saying she needed a drink, and Rodolphus followed her, giving Andy another grateful smile and a bow. I made to leave as well. _

"_Would you like me to get you a drink, Miss Black?"_

"_Narcissa," I replied. "Not at the moment, thank you."_

"_Thank you," he replied with a smile. "You're a wonderful dancer."_

_I blushed a little, and saw Andy trying to hide a smirk out of the corner of my eye. At any other time I would have been annoyed, but I was too worried about Bella to think much of anything else._

"_So are you," I mumbled in return. "I'll, er, talk to you later." I beckoned to Andy. "Come on."_

_I led Andy over to a quiet corner of the room, and immediately turned on her._

"_What is the matter with Bella?" I exclaimed. "Don't look at me like that: I know you know something!"_

"_Cissy, please…" she began with a sigh._

"_No. You have to tell me, Andy. She's my sister, too."_

"_Look, Narcissa, what she told me was in complete confidence."_

"_Who is that man she danced with?"_

_Andromeda lowered her voice to a whisper. "Don't you realise, Narcissa?"_

"_It is him?"_

_She nodded. "Yes."_

"_Why did Bella dance with him?"_

_Andromeda looked panicked. "I can't answer that." _

"_Does she…" I began, then stopped. I wasn't sure what to phrase what I was going to ask: wasn't even sure whether I wanted to ask it. "Is it… are they…"_

_I saw confirmation in the look of terror on Andromeda's face._

"_She isn't! It can't…"_

_Andromeda said nothing._

_I turned and hurried away, ignoring her calls after me, tears pricking my eyes. I had no idea where I was going and could barely noticed what was around me until I bumped into someone._

"_Cissy, what in Merlin's name is the matter!"_

_My whole body went taut. It was Bella._

"_What's wrong? Has someone said something? I'll-"_

"_No," I managed in a small voice, trying to force myself to meet her eyes._

"_Why are you crying?" She asked gently. "Cissy? Cissy, look at me."_

_I did._

"_What's wrong? Why are you- what have I done?"_

"_Why did you dance with that man?" I whispered._

"_What!" She exclaimed. "Of course I… you think I wouldn't… don't you know who he is, Cissy?"_

"_Yes. If he asked you, it would have been different, but-"_

"_I'll dance with who I like!"_

"_It was like you couldn't wait to be away from Rodolphus." I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth._

"_Big surprise, Cissy: I couldn't." She snapped. " I'm not going to try and hide it-"_

"_Bella?"_

_I jumped in shock, wondering how much the newcomers had overheard: it was the Dark Lord, and Rodolphus._

"_Good evening," Bella greeted with a smile. She addressed the Dark Lord, yet it was Rodolphus that answered her._

"_My darling wife," he murmured, sliding his arms around her and kissing the top of her head. "Have I told you you look radiant?" Normally, it would have been a romantic gesture, yet the slight furrow of Rodolphus' brow and the slightly higher pitch of his voice gave away the truth: it was a poor attempt at trying to draw Bella's attention to him. He had heard. _

_I felt a sudden pang of emotion for him: he was so deeply in love with my sister, for it to be so utterly unrequited… Yet it hadn't been a year or so ago, her attitude had completely changed, and now I understood why._

"_I know," Bella replied dismissively. _

"_I love you," he whispered in her ear, slightly louder than he needed to for her alone to hear._

"_I know," she replied, slightly snappishly. "My Lord," she began, her tone and expression changing completely, "how are you enjoying the evening?"_

"_As well as can be expected at such an event as this," he replied. She beamed as though this were a great compliment._

"_Should we dance, Bella?" Rodolphus asked desperately._

"_Yes, I suppose we should," she replied._

_Andromeda arrived as they left. "Cissy, are you… oh, good evening," she said politely, although her voice seemed a little strained._

_He nodded in acknowledgement._

"_Er, Cissy… father wants you," she said a little hesitantly._

"_Oh," I replied. "Thank you."_

_I was surprised that, when I eventually found father, he told me he hadn't sent for me at all, and he could not understand why Andromeda would have thought he had._

_The celebrations went on well into the night: in fact it was just a few hours from dawn when we finally went to bed. I ended up in tears: I couldn't believe Bella was really married, it felt like I was losing her. And I was also worried about my other sister._

"_Andy?" I called, pushing open the door to my sisters' room._

_She hurriedly shoved a piece of parchment and a quill out of sight: I wondered what she'd been writing._

"_It- it's late, Cissy. Why aren't you asleep?"_

"_I miss Bella," I muttered, suddenly feeling very childish. "I shouldn't be like this: she's only got married-"_

"_I feel the same way. I imagine, Cissy, it's less to do with her getting married and more with what you found out today."_

_I nodded slowly. "What did you say to him?"_

_She jumped. "Nothing," she said unconvincingly._

_I continued looking expectantly at her._

"_Come here," she murmured. _

_I sat down on the edge of the bed. "Well?"_

"_I just told him to stay away from Bella."_

"_What did he say?" A chill seemed to have seized my body: I felt more certain than I had ever felt about anything that Andy should never, ever have mentioned it._

"_He told me to look out for myself." _

_I didn't realise quite what that meant until I felt Andy shudder._

Yours,

Narcissa Malfoy.

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